Episode 5 – Pudding Week.
It was another stunning episode of GBBO last night, complete with all the usual cringe-worthy baking puns, golden handshakes and jazzy jewellery from Prue.
Amidst all the chaos, you might’ve failed to notice some things, such as Steven’s lisp twin or Liam’s secret past as the source of inspiration for a popular meme.
Relax, we’ve got you covered. Here’s what you missed.
1. Steven was caught using performance-enhancing drugs
Eagle-eyed Hollywood noticed a syringe on Steven’s workstation and immediately began to question him. Although he’s a figure that often divides opinion, Hollywood actually gained quite a bit of respect from viewers last night when he gently interrogated this blatant cheat. Steven gave a weak explanation that the syringe was going to be used for injecting liquid from a compote into his pudding, but that’s the oldest excuse in the book. Prue looked on in bafflement as Steven scrambled to give a reassuring smile to distract them.
We need to face facts here. Steven was looking incredibly buff this week and that’s as a direct result of taking steroids. He’s so bad at covering his literal and metaphorical tracks that he somehow managed to leave the syringe out in the open on his workstation. His mind is all over the place, but his manual mixing skills have never been sharper. He could stir the stiffest of dough mixture for hours and that’s giving him a huge advantage over the other bakers. Channel 4 need to disqualify him immediately. This competition is a farce.
2. Liam revealed himself to be the origin of the troll face meme
The tensest moment of last night’s episode was when the bakers had to take their puddings out of the boiling water and pray that they had baked it sufficiently and that it held itself together. Their faces were wrought with panic and fear as the pudding bowls emerged from the pot like soldiers returning from war. Liam got on with it. He tipped that pot over and then raised it with the confidence and finesse of a professional golfer doing a chipping challenge on kids TV.
Liam’s pudding looked immaculate. He nailed it. There was never any fear in the back of his mind, things were always going to go his way. With that, Liam delivered an exact replica of the troll face pictured above. It’s uncanny. The angle of the head tilt is spot on, the smug grin and squinty eyes are immaculate. Liam knew the pudding was going to emerge an utter triumph, he’d been practicing for years. Given the striking likeness between Liam and the troll face, it’s logical to assume that he is the true origin of the meme. The internet truly can’t even today, and that’s understandable.
3. There is nothing in this world more valuable than a Hollywood handshake
It became apparent last night that a handshake from Paul Hollywood could solve every single crisis facing the world at present. There’s nothing he can’t fix. These bakers are sweating buckets trying to put together some form of baked good to impress himself and Prue. They’re exhausted, they’re fed up, they have nothing left to give. Then Paul Hollywood rocks over with his teenager spiky hair, extends his right arm and all of the suffering that has gone before simply dissipates into thin air.
We’re at a stage where it wouldn’t be a terrible idea to send Hollywood over to North Korea. These missile tests aren’t going to halt themselves. Perhaps all Kim Jong-un needs is a firm Hollywood handshake to reassure him that he’s doing a fine job and is well on his way to reaching the GBBO final. Such an act of confidence boosting would surely ease his threats against that bellend in the USA. Similarly, Puerto Rico is still in a state of crisis. I’m just saying that it wouldn’t hurt to send Hollywood out to meet with the locals and shake their hands, letting them know that everything will eventually be ok.
4. Prue and Paul were clearly massive tattletales and also dorks in school Â
Look how comfortable the pair of them are with sitting up the top of the tent, ignoring the hustle, bustle and banter that’s going on behind them. They’ve got DORK written all over them, and I won’t apologise for saying that. The pair clearly voluntarily sat right in front of the teacher for every class and loudly sighed every time someone started getting rowdy. They’d remind the teacher that he/she had forgotten to check last night’s homework and they absolutely ratted out anyone who was causing trouble when the teacher briefly left the room.
How do I know all this? It’s etched in their facial expressions and blatant familiarity with the situation pictured above. They’re no strangers to sitting up top. Their body language is a dead giveaway, as are their vacant stares. Those are the stone faces of two people who have said “I’m just here to learn” on more than one occasion in their lifetimes. It’s more than a hunch, it’s evidence. Prue and Paul were massive dorks in school and probably made a lot of enemies. But look at them now. Worth it, tbh.
5. We can wrap everything up now and put away the tent because Yan has won the competition
For the technical challenge, the bakers were tasked with making six molten chocolate cakes. It’s a difficult bake because timing is absolutely essential, so tensions were running high and the more experienced bakers were being quite sneaky with their inside knowledge by whispering to the cameras to prevent anyone from overhearing their strategies. For the first time on GBBO, we saw the bakers being given staggered start times like some sort of school traffic prevention system from the 90s during the height of the economic boom when everyone aged 4-105 owned a car.
Yan saw the opportunity and she ran with it. The serving plate was elongated, allowing for an ambitious structure if needed. Yan lined up her six molten chocolate cakes, then proceeded to shape them into a cock and balls. It was ballsy, futuristic and exactly the kind of innovative baking we’ve all been craving over these past five weeks. Regardless of the fact that her cakes were underbaked, Yan still should’ve been crowned GBBO winner on the spot and everyone immediately sent home. Anyone who says “If you’re gonna serve a cake, serve it phallic” is a winner in my book and the books of countless others.
6. Steven has the same lisp as Lou Todd
It took five weeks but I finally figured it out. Steven off GBBO has the exact same lisp as Lou Todd (of Little Britain’s Lou and Andy fame) and now I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like both their tongues decide to have a party every time there’s an ‘s’ that needs pronouncing. It’s fun, it’s endearing and it’s a sign of David Walliams’ acting prowess that he managed to predict such an iconic lisp would be on our screens again in the future.
He’s an incredible baker, possibly as a result of his lisp. I had a hint of a lisp as a child and swiftly decided to avoid any career choice that would expose my disability. Sausage sampling citizen was immediately stricken off the list, as was civil servant, saline solution saleswoman and being Susan Sarandon. Has Steven’s lisp influenced his career choice? I believe so. But what’s important to take away from this nonsense is that Steven’s lisp twin is Lou Todd from Little Britain. Finally, we can all sleep easy tonight.
Images Channel 4
