We’ve all seen the Nivea Men advert featuring hapless Liverpool players rushing around in a Reliant Robin to get to a red carpet event. But is it to blame for recent Scouse misfortune?
Almost definitely not, but that won’t stop us from spending far too long entertaining the possibility. Since appearing in the ad, both Raheem Sterling and Jordan Henderson have turned down lucrative contract offers, whilst Simon Mignolet was far from convincing against Arsenal.
There is no doubt that Nivea offer an excellent range of products to keep you looking great and feeling fresh throughout the day (are we getting paid for this?) – but has that extra confidence given Henderson and Sterling ideas above their station?
It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that both players are now so free from sweat in stressful situations that they’re able to march into the manager’s office and fling offers of a new deal in his face. Even if they’re bluffing how would Brendan Rodgers know without the tell-tale signs of damp pits and a sweaty brow?
Perhaps they enjoyed the screams and applause at the end of the commercial so much that they want a taste of the red carpet lifestyle themselves. They wouldn’t be the first footballers to have their heads turned by the glamour of Tinseltown. Just look at Eric Cantona and Vinnie Jones.
As for Mignolet, sure he’ll feel confident about saving shots without fear of sweaty armpits showing through his shirt, but Nivea also offer intensive moisturising cream that nourishes and strengthens dry skin. What if he’s using that? Have you ever seen Bruce Grobbelaar’s hands? No. Because they’re grotesque and covered in calluses.
It all adds up to one thing – metrosexuality is ruining the English game. In my day the players were sweaty, unkempt ogres whose idea of a night regenerator was a couple of swift halves. Now footballers look halfway presentable. The glory days of dandruff glistening under the floodlights are a thing of the past.
It’s over lads. The game’s gone. And Liverpool are just the beauty industry’s first victims.
[Images via Nivea]
