A modern day Shakespearean classic.
Last night, Stacey Solomon let us into her world.
It was exciting, it was fun, it was gripping and it was hilarious. If you haven’t seen it yet, please rectify the situation:
My kids are too cool to trick or treat with me & I value their want to be independent so I’m following them round hiding like a crazy woman🎃 pic.twitter.com/UCmecgedEL
— Stacey Solomon (@StaceySolomon) October 31, 2017
Due to huge demand, I will now go into the full 55 seconds in great detail, proving that it is indeed the greatest short film of the year of our Lord 2017.
Act I, Scene I – The Setup
Stacey lets us know that she is treading a fine line between allowing her children to feel independent, but also protecting them or “wrapping them up in bubble wrap without them knowing”. It’s unclear as to what is going to transpire at this point. Is Stacey outside? Are her children aware that she is in pursuit? On a more practical level, what the fuck is happening?
Stacey finishes this piece to camera with “Bush number two”, which for some reason triggers a thought about I’m A Celebrity, a show that she won in 2010. Is she entering the jungle again? What do her kids have to do with it? Is George Bush involved? Are those her real teeth? Act I, scene I is setting up this event nicely, but precisely what event is still unclear.
Act I, Scene II – Detective Work
We’re told that Stacey is going to be able to determine whether her children are polite in her absence. This suggests that her kids are unaware of her presence at this point, which sheds a sliver more light on the unfolding situation. It’s also important to keep in mind that this video was uploaded at 5:34pm on Halloween night.
Stacey then informs us that “they appear to be really sweet which is super cute”. Is this entire debacle merely a means of Stacey finding out how civil her children are? Because there are easier ways to find this information out, such as asking their teachers or listening in on them interacting with their friends when they think you’ve left the room.
Act II, Scene I – Emerging Data Trends
Stacey tells us that her children have been saying “Thank you”, “Happy Halloween” and “Have a great day”. This is a large amount of intelligence to receive within the first twenty two seconds of any video, so it’s understandable that the viewer could still be quite perplexed at this point. I certainly am.
She announces “I love my kids. It’s all sinking in” and at this stage, it’s anyone’s guess. A mother? Loving her kids? Something is amiss here. Just what is Stacey Solomon up to? What is sinking in? The realisation that her children are decent people? Is that what this quest is all about?
Act II, Scene II – Problems
We learn that Stacey is unhappy with the circumstances involved that are out of her control. “It doesn’t help that it’s blooming Autumn and all the leaves are really crunchy”. It’s a valid point. Surely Halloween, a tradition that has taken place on the same day since 1745, could be more accommodating towards Stacey Solomon’s snooping on her kids by taking place in the dead of summer.
With this data, our suspicions are confirmed that Stacey is indeed snooping on her children unbeknownst to them. The objective here is for her to ensure their safety whilst going undetected, thus keeping their trust intact. It’s a bold mission and one that is sure to come to a head before the video ends. Truly, this is box office carry on. The directing, editing and production is all flawless.
Act II, Scene III – The Surroundings
Stacey finally gives us some context to the events by showing us the house that her children are currently begging for sweets from. You can tell that she’s crouched down behind a car, because she says “I’m behind this car” and then we’re shown Stacey’s proximity to the house.
This piece of the puzzle is vital because it shows us that Stacey is a) terrible at hiding and b) basically begging to be caught. If you want to truly conceal yourself, you dress completely in camouflage and stay two cars behind your target. Everyone knows that, even Stacey bloody Solomon.
Act III, Scene I – Admission Of Guilt
Precisely 34 seconds into this debacle, Stacey says “I actually feel like a crazy”. This is a red flag for anyone that was on the fence about the whole situation. Stacey knows that what she is doing is wrong. It’s breaching all kinds of boundaries between her and her kids, but she’s in it for that sweet sweet content baby.
I commend Stacey for acknowledging that her actions are that of “a crazy”. It takes a large amount of guts to pause and take stock of your actions. Rather than waiting for the comments to roll in under the video calling her “a crazy”, Stacey had the good sense to preempt them. She is a social media guru as well as an award-worthy filmmaker.
Act III, Scene II – Crisis Of Conscience
Stacey informs the viewer that she hasn’t completely thought this situation through because she’s also had to return to her own house to carry out some personal Halloween duties. It provides another snippet of context to the occasion, hammering home the fact that Stacey should not be doing what she’s doing, especially not on Halloween.
At this point, Stacey’s short film goes from being a 9 to a solid 10. We’ve had everything. Suspense, context, tension, more context, guilt and now an element of taboo. I’m not sure what path Stacey’s career has been taking her of late, but she’s certainly doing something right to produce this kind of content.
Act IV, Scene I – Busted
Stacey, who has been filming herself this entire time beneath the full light of a front facing flash, is apprehended by her own flesh and blood. A piercing “We’re supposed to be on our own” rings out. By her own admission, Stacey has been “busted”.
She’s lost everything. The trust of her children, the hopes of going undetected, the respect of her neighbours. But what Stacey has gained is the respect of a nation. Not only is she an endearing presence on social media, but she’s also the best short filmmaker we’ve seen in a very long time here on Twitter.
Act IV, Scene II – Mysterious End
In what is sure to confuse people from now until the end of time, Stacey ends this gripping piece of content with an out of context pumpkin eating another smaller and even further out of context pumpkin. It serves no purpose and adds nothing to the narrative, but perhaps this was Stacey’s intention. The ending of a lot of movies don’t make total sense and that’s absolutely fine.
I’ve decided to believe that this final image was photographed by Stacey to throw her children off the scent in a desperate attempt to regain their trust. She likely told them that she just so happened to be photographing a pumpkin beside their location at that particular time. It was a total coincidence as she trusts them completely. Stacey then added it into the short film to confuse the viewer and spur a larger conversation about parent / child trust. It’s genius. Stacey Solomon: Award winning filmmaker and master liar to her children.
