Day 10.
You’d be forgiven for passing out during last night’s I’m A Celeb, such was the intense action and emotional rollercoaster that occurred throughout the course of the show.
Amir performed a seance and somehow managed to get in contact with Margaret Thatcher, then Vanessa called her a bitch and the jungle was subjected to flash flooding and sporadic lighting bolts, in a totally unrelated incident, we’ve been assured.
In reality, it was a pretty standard episode. The were hungry, they bickered, Stanley said some weird things.
Here’s five things that were a bit funny though.
1. Jamie woke Rebekah with his snoring, so she got up and pretended to shoot him
Rebekah was prematurely woken from her slumber by what sounded like an articulated truck struggling up a hill while carrying the maximum permitted load. It transpired to be Jamie Lomas’ snoring, so Rebekah took the most logical course of action and got herself out of bed to silently confront him.
She put some logs on the fire (not a euphemism), then walked over by Jamie’s lifeless body and mimicked a shooting movement with her hand. Surprisingly, Jamie instantly felt the impact of the bullet and slowly began to bleed out. He was pronounced dead shortly after. Hell hath no fury like Rebekah Vardy mildly inconvenienced.
2. Stanley Johnson looked like death on a plate first thing in the morning
He emerged from Ten Downing Creek with all the purpose of someone that hates everyone and everything. Stanley’s first order of the day was to give his luscious locks a quick comb so as to make himself perfectly respectable for his loyal subjects, much like his son does, I’m guessing.
It was a relatable moment from the politician, one where we got to see him looking slightly less chirpy than usual. He couldn’t even walk in a straight line, such was the sleep-induced daze he was experiencing. He stumbled his way through the camp and slowly regained his position as a member of the human race.
3. Everyone had a good laugh about how shit the Bushtucker Trial looked
It was as if they ran out of ideas and all the raw materials necessary to make any props, but I’m A Celeb still pushed through and delivered what is sure to be the key moment of this year’s series. Many of us could’ve gone our whole lives without getting to see Iain Lee moving at 1mph in a piece of cardboard suspended 100ft above the ground.
Ant and Dec could hardly contain their amusement at the appearance of the task, which made everything precisely twenty times funnier. The show has a pretty big budget, but they’re evidently running out of ideas. Tomorrow’s Bushtucker trial will see a celebrity trying to do a weekly shop in the run up to Christmas.
4. Dennis called Vanessa a pig but then immediately backtrackedÂ
Dennis and Vanessa arrived at a pigsty for their task, which involved finding puzzle pieces and then assembling them all together. Things were sketchy at first, but they quickly found their groove and worked well together. So well that Dennis decided to come up with a beautiful simile: “We were like seven pigs”.
Once Dennis realised that he’d just called Vanessa from The Saturdays a pig. He backpedalled and assured us that he wasn’t calling Vanessa a pig, even though he just had. It was himself that he was referring to. Plus the five pigs and also Vanessa, who was in that instance, at one with the pigs.
5. Kiosk Keith was replaced by Iggy Pop
We were reliably informed by Anthony and Declan that Kiosk Keith would be missing from his place of employment in last night’s episode, but that they had found a suitable replacement. It was exciting as Dennis and Vanessa approached the kiosk. Who could it be? Mr. Blobby? A spatchcock chicken? No.
It was Iggy Pop. He came with a name badge that said Kiosk Kath, but we all knew it was Iggy Pop. Look at that hair, those iconic rings, the vacant expression. This is the man that has brought us such hits as The Passenger, Lust For Life and Real Wild Child. What a treat for us all to enjoy together!
Images via ITV
