Week 3.
The latest crop of celebrities made their way into the Bake Off tent and delivered another exceptional instalment of disastrous bakes.
This time, it was Ella Eyre, Jamie Laing, Tim Minchin and Ruth Davidson’s turn to show off their baking abilities, or lack thereof.
It was an emotional watch, but a deeply entertaining time overall.
Here’s everything important you missed, you silly sausage.
Apparently the guy off Made In Chelsea’s great great grandfather invented the digestive biscuit
I feel like I owe the cast of Made In Chelsea an apology. Up until last night, I always thought they were posh, unemployed kids that were living unrealistic lifestyles because they were born into a large amount of money, but it turns out they’re actually posh, unemployed kids living unrealistic lifestyles because they were born into a large amount of money that are descendants of biscuit inventors. What a legacy they’ve got to live up to. Which they are most definitely doing by starring in a constructed reality television show. Jamie Laing, you are firmly on course to leave as much of an impression on the world as your digestive biscuit inventing great great grandfather.
The GBBO tradition of incorporating wangs into the bakes was continued
Only a digestive biscuit heir could produce such a stunning piece of wang art atop a banana loaf. The joke practically writes itself, but it certainly wasn’t above Jamie Laing’s remit. He prepared his dough in a blender, much to Hollywood’s disgust, then delicately positioned a suggestive banana arrangement on top. Although the loaf didn’t rise to a satisfactory level, at least its penis sculpture did, lol. That’s the kind of GBBO antics we’ve come to expect when the celebrities are involved. That’s the Celebrity GBBO we know and love.
Prue dramatically spat out Jamie’s cake because she couldn’t risk having it entering her body
Prue Leith dropped her polite lady facade for the first time last night and that was all thanks to, you guessed it, Jamie ‘Digestive Biscuit’ Laing. His loaf was disgusting in every way imaginable. They couldn’t bare to taste it, so forced Jamie to try it first. Prue took a tiny nibble and rushed to the bin to spit it out. Look what you’ve done to Prue, Jamie. She was a respectable lady before you came along. Now you’ve turned her into a crass individual who unwillingly spits on telly.
For some reason, Jamie wrote ‘dove’ on his cake board
Presumably, he was hoping to write ‘Love’, but even that makes no sense whatsoever. Why would you need to put the word ‘love’ beside your banana loaf? Is it going to subliminally trick the taster into thinking that they are in love with the loaf? Because as evidenced above, it clearly didn’t work. PRUE LEITH SPAT THE LOAF INTO THE BIN. SHE ALMOST GOT SICK, JAMIE. YOU NEARLY KILLED DAME PRUE LEITH. MAYBE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW YOUR OWN INSTRUCTIONS AND FLY AWAY LIKE A DOVE OR TURN INTO A CAN OF DEODORANT, SON.
The technical challenge produced varying degrees of completion
In a shocking twist, it was actually Tim Minchin who created a total monstrosity for this bake. His biscuits were awful, so he started again and failed to produce anything decent. Instead of crying about it, he made art. If Rothko had created the above mess, it would’ve sold for millions. But when Minchin does it, he’s the butt of Hollywood’s cruel joke, “The Jackson Pollock, well, it rhymes with Pollock”. Nice one Paul. Ella Eyre also deserves a solid roasting here. Her biscuits look like they’ve been involved in a workplace accident and may be entitled to compensation. Ruth nailed hers, tbf.
Tim Minchin just completely gave up towards the end of the task and that has to be respected on some level
Homeboy had an exasperated little sit down on the floor because his meringues started to fall off the tower he’d constructed. Rather than getting irrationally annoyed or frantically try to fix it, Tim just had a sit down and thought about life for a while. Truthfully, it’s a very relatable stance for a grown man to take. The amount of times we’ve all sat stubbornly on the kitchen floor in front of the canned goods press so far in 2018 could easily reach well into the thousands. We’re all just lazy lumps, at our very core. Tim gets it.
Jamie somehow ended up producing THIS for his showstopper and nobody was more surprised that he was
Jamie cheated. He legitimately cheated. He was snooping on Tim’s baking process, then stole his idea to stick the meringues onto the cone using the raw meringue mixture. While Tim’s plan didn’t quite work out for himself, Jamie somehow flourished with the genius idea. Look at that showstopper. Compare it to the complete mess Jamie made in the first task and then pick your jaw up off the floor. His progression throughout the show was phenomenal. He went from being a twat off Made In Chelsea that can’t bake, to a twat off Made In Chelsea that can kind of bake. He did cheat, though. So there’s that.
Images via Channel 4
