Day 4.
Folks, it all kicked off last night. They all just went absolutely nuts.
Eyal launched into a vicious tirade about the importance of using the caps lock key just as much as the shift key, ensuring an even erosion of keyboard keys. Hayley disagreed, citing that the caps lock is often too much of a commitment, whereas the shift key gives you more freedom. Adam completely lost it when he heard Hayley’s logic. He called her a word I can’t repeat here for legal reasons.
Just kidding, nothing that interesting happened. It was the usual mix of friendliness, tension, lust and anger.
Here’s six important moments you might’ve missed on last night’s show.
1. Niall’s first question for Georgia on their date was whether she liked chicken dippers or not
Truly, it seems as though we could all learn a lot about dating from precious angel Niall throughout this series. He’s certainly got his priorities in order, asking Georgia mere minutes into their first date whether she likes chicken nuggets or not. It’s a vital question, one that many couples are hesitant to ask each other. Some wait until the golden third date, others wait until they’re a couple of months or even years into courting to find out such elusive information. But Niall shuns societal expectations by diving straight in. He asked Georgia if she liked chicken nuggets, an incredibly personal question for most, but Georgia excitedly confirmed that she does indeed like chicken nuggets. Breathe it in folks, because this is love.
2. Wes is blatantly lining up his outside ventures for when he leaves the villa
Look at that form. It’s strong, reliable and may very well be the solution to our planet’s climate change crisis. He’s whizzing along, a tiny pat on the bum was all it took from Niall to get a bit of momentum going. That’s exactly what the world needs right now. Forget about fossil fuels, we’re going Wes. Need to get somewhere fast? Forget Uber, just get a Wes. Need to fly to Spain for a holiday? It’ll take a while, but take a Wes. Wes is playing a very smart game on Love Island. He’s securing his future once he leaves the villa. While the rest will be flogging detox teas on Instagram, Wes is going to be setting up his own transportation company called Wes Lifts (temporary name).
3. The villa is going to be burgled, that is an absolute certainty
Look at that. The gang have all gone to bed and nobody’s thought to lock or even close the front door. The lights are out, everyone is safely in the land of nod, but they’re going to wake up to find that everything, personalised water bottles, teeth whitening strips, emergency Imodium tablets, everything will be gone. It’s an incredibly reckless attitude to have on the island and one that’s sure to prove costly for the contestants. One of them needs to be appointed Head of Safety and nobly undertake the task of closing and locking the front door every night. It’s not a mammoth ask, it’s just for peace of mind.
4. Wes greeted Jack by tenderly caressing his nipple
In the morning, I usually greet people by ignoring them because nobody should ever speak before midday. But Wes, fresh from dreams of his exploits in being a transportation service, greeted Jack by tenderly rubbing his nipple. Perhaps this is a standard means of communication in some culture I haven’t experienced before, nor has Jack. He lay on the bed, raising an arm for a cordial high five, but instead got his nipple felt up by his mate Wes. It’s a bizarre situation and one that we’re going to need to monitor over the coming weeks. Has Wes got a male nipple fetish? Is this just a thing that lads do now? Is Jack simply a prude to react in such a lacklustre way? Only time will tell.
5. The year is 2018 and superheroes all look like this now
The fate of the nation is in safe hands with this new vigilante group of undefined superheroes. What are their names? Honestly, not a clue. Probably the Love Island Posse or something equally as tragic. Their superpowers? Well, they’re very good at picking potential suitors based entirely on their looks, then changing their minds quite soon afterwards and having to let the men down gently. In fact, it’s their specialty. Should you find yourself overwhelmed with endless possibilities of lovers, these girls will swoop in and help you to make the wrong decision, then moan about having made the wrong decision for a few days, then leave. Superman could NEVER.
6. Samira looks exactly like a bird when she’s squishing watermelons with her butt
Credit to Samira, nobody’s face looks great when they’re using their arse to smash through watermelons, but hers is particularly amusing. Look at the determination in her eyes, she is in the zone and will allow nothing to come between her backside and the eventual smashed watermelons she’s going to produce. If birds had human faces, I’m convinced that that is what they would look like. Perhaps they would also have Samira’s personality and fondness for dance. Who knows, not us. Anyway, the tasks better improve because last night’s one was garbage and we, the entertainment-hungry public who have no obligation to watch this show whatsoever, deserve better.
Images via ITV
