Just do it the old fashioned way and use a Haribo
This just in: Poundland is selling engagement rings. That’s right… Poundland. The place you go to for bags of sweets and chocolate before the cinema, the place you go to if you need some low-price toiletries urgently, the place you go to if you want loads and loads of chewing gum for a quid.
The bold, bold move is anticipation of this coming Valentine’s Day, a time of year typically completely ignored by roughly 80% of the population, whilst the rest spend it relentlessly Instagramming their every waking moment with ‘this one’. The lonely people? They have it best, they just get a takeaway in and eat and cry into the grease soaking their lap until they feel better.
But, should you feel the sudden and overwhelming desire to propose, off the cuff, to ‘this one’ or ‘that one’ on the least romantic day of all: Poundland can now make that happen.
The rings cost a quid, because of course they cost a quid. First of all: look at them. They look like the kind you win at the arcade in a bowling alley. Second of all: it’s Poundland, isn’t it?
You do get outstanding value for your money, however, as the velvet heart shaped box is included, along with a message on the outer packaging that reads “Because we promise they’ll want to choose their own”.
Well, they will upon receiving one from Poundland. And look, there is even a range of designs, all the way from ‘quite obviously a toy ring designed for children’ right the way through to ‘again, very very obviously just a toy ring designed for children’.
Still, you shouldn’t have to be rich to propose, even if the store’s own press release goes a bit overboard.
Poundland told the Press Association: “These are beautiful placeholder rings because we know they’ll want to buy their own.
“We’re looking forward to the Poundland proposal becoming the way it’s done. Our bling ring is setting the scene for the real deal.”
Public reaction, meanwhile, was mixed, as an Athenian-court style debate raged on the Facebook group ‘Extreme Couponing and Bargains UK’. One commenter said “Is this not the best idea ever? Buy a cheap ring from Poundland to propose then go to the shop so you can pick a proper one together.” Another questioned “Why would anyone want to pick their own ring? Isn’t the point of it that the man you love has chosen it for you?”
Leaving me to ask, as always, does anyone care? Does anyone really, actually care if people get their engagement rings from Poundland?
