Day 8
Maybe the real Love Island was the memes we saw along the way?
Last night’s Love Island was decent, but there was one major flaw. After news broke around the world regarding Sharif’s departure from the show, the nation tuned in with bated breath to find out what resulted in this seemingly unproblematic dude getting kicked out of the villa.
We waited, waited, waited some more, waited even more, but nothing. Those swines gave us no explanation, nor did the visuals. I spent a solid hour scanning the show from top to bottom looking for clues, but no. Sharif has gone and we will never know why.
Someone on Twitter said that he took a shit in the jacuzzi and frankly that’s the best explanation we’re going to get. So henceforth, that is why Sharif left the Love Island villa. Make peace with it before it destroys you.
Not that anything else matters, but here’s six moments you might have missed.
1. Curtis and Tommy finally took their relationship to the next level
With a hunger in his eyes, Curtis led Tommy to the bedroom. “But… the cameras?”, Tommy protested, without much conviction. “I don’t care anymore”, replied Curtis, biting his lip. He forcefully threw Tommy onto the bed, breathing heavily with a hint of a smile in his eyes. Tommy put his head down onto the duvet, he knew what was coming and had little desire to stop it. Curtis asked “Are you ready for this?” in a menacing tone, to which Tommy replied “I’m so stiff, just do it already”. With their hearts pounding in unison, Curtis mounted Tommy, placing a leg on either side. He penetrated deep, unforgivingly so, until Tommy groaned involuntarily. Moments later, it was over. Curtis had successfully given Tommy a much-needed lower back massage.
2. Cola became the official cockblock drink of the 2019 Love Island villa
Michael and Amber’s flirtationship came to a head during last night’s show, when Michael whisked her away to the dizzying heights of the villa terrace, a place where the girls usually have an early morning debrief about the nocturnal activities of the previous night. In this instance, Michael was confessing his ~*interest*~ in Amber and attempted to plant one on her. But Amber was unprepared, so she pied him and put it down to being nervous. In the diary room, she later confessed to having bad breath at the time as a result of drinking an unnamed brand of cola. Usually the official Love Island cockblock is a combination of bad personality and overall disinterest, but now in the year of our lord 2019 it is cola. Update your logbooks accordingly.
3. Curtis brought LUGGAGE for his overnight stay in the hideaway with Amy
They would’ve spent no more than twelve hours in that room which is adjacent to their usual communal bedroom, so it makes little sense that Curtis would need two luggage bags to get him through the night, yet here we are. They would’ve already brushed their teeth and evidently have their pyjamas on, so what else could love’s young dream need for their very first overnight stay together? The answer is props. Those two bags are rammed with various household items that Curtis uses in his bedroom routine. For legal reasons we cannot disclose what those things are, but one of them rhymes with jerky taster (turkey baster). Whatever their unique interests, one thing is certain about Curtis and Amy. Y’all are some freaks.
4. Michael celebrated his first kiss with Amber by tucking into an entire jar of Nutella straight after
Massive congratulations to Michael ‘Nuts About Nutella’ Griffiths who, as of last night, is officially living his best life. After being initially pied by Coke breath Amber, the pair rectified the situation by having a quick kiss on the outdoor bed. They giggled as the truth came to light about their earlier mishap, which left one final missing piece of the puzzle lined up and ready to go on the runway – Michael ate some Nutella. As is a customary tradition in the United Kingdom, couples must indulge in the chocolatey treat after their first kiss together to cement the burgeoning relationship. Now Michael and Amber are bound together in unity forevermore. Once the jar was finished, they chucked it into the swimming pool in a customary tender and dangerous ceremony. Then they had a fight.
5. Joe and Lucie (Jucie) disproved Titanic and finally put the matter to bed
Look at the size of that paddle board. Look at it. It is quite small, yet both Lucie and Joe could fit comfortably on it, basking in the Mallorcan sunshine without a care in the world. Such was their satisfaction with the size of the board, Lucie and Joe decided to swap places, with Lucie leapfrogging over Joe and his perfect hair, barely making skin to skin contact, far from the threat of capsizing. They pulled off the manoeuvre with great ease, which indisputably disproves the Titanic movie’s final scene whereby Rose selfishly hoards the entire plank of wood to keep herself afloat, leaving Jack to perish in the freezing water. If Jucie can make it work, so could they.
6. Sharif got the same amount of airtime as usual
With a spicy cloud of mystery surrounding his departure for the show, most viewers were watching out for Sharif during last night’s episode, hoping to catch a sliver of evidence to support the many theories circulating online about his demise. Typically, Sharif got the same amount of airtime as usual during the show (less than four seconds), which may have been intentional or simply following the standard format for his character, leaving us with little to no clue as to why Sharif has left the villa. The only time we saw him was in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cutaway shot when Tommy got a text. If we were to look into this more, perhaps Sharif left because he stole Tommy’s phone and replied ‘Sharif don’t like it’ to the Love Island producers, which breaks their strict ‘No Rock The Casbah lyrics under any circumstances’ rule. Sadly, we will never know.
Images via ITV
