Day 16
Love Island, am I right?
Another episode aired last night because that is what will continue to happen until such time as they put us all out of our misery and inevitably crown Michael and Amber the winners.
What did you miss? Honestly, very little. A new girl came in, her name is the same as an Arctic Monkeys song, she fancies Danny and maybe Anton but probably just Danny.
Still, mundanities aside, we must persevere with this format and discover previously uncharted territory with a strong element of whimsy and exaggeration.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s show.
1. Curtis was so flustered by the new girl, he poked himself in the eye with his sunglasses
Still bleary-eyed from the night of sleep he’d just acquired, Curtis was first out of the communal Love Island bedroom to fill the kettle for the islanders’ morning brew. He gazed admirably around the villa garden, presumably taking for granted the completely free holiday he’s currently enjoying, when a figure came into focus. It was Arabella, and Curtis was flustered. “Hello, I’ve literally just walked out, wow, good morning”, he mumbled and then proceeded to stick the arm of his sunglasses clean into his sleep-laden eye. Arabella didn’t seem to notice, or else she overlooked the minor indiscretion. Either way, Curtis’ chances with Arabella were eradicated in that exact moment. Nobody wants to fuck someone that can’t put on sunglasses without scratching their cornea.
2. The way Yewande eats an egg is insane and she needs locking up
Everyone is entitled to eat their eggs in whatever way they see fit, except Yewande because she is doing it completely fucking wrong. If you’re having eggs and toast, the most logical way to do that is either with scrambled eggs, poached eggs or an egg and soldiers situation. Those are the only acceptable ways to execute that very simple task. Never, on God’s green earth, should someone be taking a friend egg and placing it atop a slice of toast like a cashmere blanket over an expensive couch. This is simply incorrect. The egg is going to slide clean off the bread. It’s flattened down to its smallest form, giving you very little payoff for the work you’ve put into cooking it. Yewande was clearly flustered by the arrival of Arabella, but she’s doing herself no favours with this kind of nonsense.
3. Michael got Anton ready for his date with Arabella because he is a proud Mum who simply wants the best for her son
Mum of the year Michael Griffiths got his son ready for his date last night, ironing a clean shirt (with steam) at lightning speed to ensure his princess wouldn’t be late for his very important afternoon rendez-vous. Michael gave Anton a pep talk as he worked on the shirt, reminding him not to tell this complete stranger that he loves her on the first date. He then doused Anton with aftershave and gave him a tender but reassuring kiss on the forehead and squeeze of the bum, sending Anton on his way with a packed lunch and emergency £20 just in case they fancied getting a little ice cream on the way home to the Love Island villa. Find you a Mam like Michael Griffiths and your love will last a lifetime, frankly.
4. Anton and Arabella absolutely fucked it when they tried cheers-ing their drinks
Genuinely can these islanders do anything right? Between Yewande’s egg on toast abomination and Lucie’s inability to achieve frizz-free beach waves, it’s a disaster. New girl Arabella burst onto the scene last night and with the help of Anton, completely obliterated any cheers-ing etiquette that previously existed in the world. When you cheers you drinks, everyone clinks their beverage vessel, maintaining eye contact, then you take a sip and put the drink down. Enter: Arabella and Anton, who clinked tin cans, then put their drinks back on the table, got up and walked home!!! That’s not how it works. If you’ve finished your drink before doing a cheers, you get another one. These Love Island inhabitants are idiots and shouldn’t be allowed to vote or reproduce.
5. Danny tried to take his and Yewande’s relationship to the next level by trying out some Smurf role play
After Yewande was forced into admitting her feelings for Danny thanks to the arrival and threat of Arabella, the pair seemed stronger than ever. They had a much-needed chat and engaged in a spot of kissing, making things seem like they might actually be on track for the amorously-awkward pair. Then Danny misread the signals and bolted into the bathroom to get ready for Smurf role play. Smurf role play is an important milestone in every new couple’s relationship. Sometimes it happens early on, but everyone is different. I have friends that have been together for many years and still don’t feel ready to blue themselves up yet. Evidently, Danny has jumped the gun here and will pay for his grave mistakes. Yewande is famously a Smurf denier.
6. Tommy took the time out to say his prayers before bed
With all the hijinks of the Love Island villa, it can be easy to forget to give thanks to the Lord each night as you would normally do at home. We’re now three weeks into the show and until last night, we hadn’t seen anyone taking a moment to speak to Himself. Thankfully, Tommy and Molly-Mae put the world to rights last night as they snuggled close together to touch base with our Lord and saviour. Presumably in the interest of privacy, ITV didn’t broadcast the entire prayer, but we got the final moments and it appeared to have been a good session as both were visibly out of breath afterwards. That pesky Lord, it’s always a treat when he takes your breath away! What a time to be alive. Love thy neighbour and love thy island. Have a blessed day 🙂
Images via ITV
