Loris Karius didn’t have much to do on Saturday afternoon.
Liverpool swatted aside a sorry Hull City by five goals to one after the Tigers had Ahmed Elmohamady sent off on the half-hour mark. The game was all about the verve and penetration of the home side’s scintillating attack, rather than their defensive merits. But that didn’t stop the big German goalkeeper from receiving a number of generous plaudits.
In fact, despite facing only two shots on goal – with a solitary effort on target – throughout the one-sided game, Liverpool supporters were falling over themselves to praise the former FSV Mainz 05 stopper, often for the most tenuous of reasons…
Loris Karius is loud, like very loud. Awesome hair too!
— mia fiona 😸💜 (@opheliamorada) September 24, 2016
Fuck me Karius is beautiful
— Tom Luscombe (@tomluscombe24) September 24, 2016
Karius 👏 did 👏 a 👏 thing 👏
— Brianne (@brianne09) September 24, 2016
Having started only a handful of games for his new club, it is far too early to judge whether Karius is the long-term answer to Liverpool’s goalkeeping concerns. And although the praise he is currently receiving from the Anfield faithful may be seem wholly disproportionate, but it could be weirdly self-fulfilling.
There are three things we know for sure about Karius at present:
- He is objectively a remarkably attractive human being, with the symmetry and dimensions of his face almost perfectly adhering to the ‘golden ratio’ (see below), as per the findings of surgeon and academic Dr. Stephen Marquardt;
- He is a very confident young man;
- He is not Simon Mignolet.
A combination of all three of these truisms has led to Liverpool supporters hailing their new man, even though their premature surety of his virtues is thus far lacking real evidence. They seem to be projecting onto him their best-case scenario, and thereby in fact wishing him into existence.
Whereas Mignolet’s general aura and perception is one of nerves, panic and general imminent failure – even when playing well – Karius has the opposite effect.
Karius has confidence within himself, the fans have confidence in him, his teammates channel that confidence, and the opposition perceive less weakness to exploit.
He is the anti-Simon, or the inverse Mignolet if you will. Without proving anything, he creates a multiplier effect that invents its own reality. If everyone assumes he’s good, he actually becomes good. If the fans, the defenders in front of him, opposition attackers, and he himself buy into the hypothesis, he is tested less.
It that sense he is like football’s equivalent to Radiohead’s recent music. Everyone says it’s great purely because everyone says it’s great; because everyone says it’s great, it is therefore universally accepted as great and becomes great. No one really understands it, but enjoys it regardless.
Karius may be the world’s first ‘Schrödinger’s goalkeeper’ – existing in his box purely due to imagined perception. In fact thus far there is little to suggest he’s anymore real than Bill Shankly’s hologram. His only real achievement in a Liverpool shirt is not being Simon Mignolet – but maybe that’s enough.
Catch up on the first episode of Football Friday Live…
