Week 11 – Interviews
It’s the second last week of The Apprentice 2018 which means one thing – INTERVIEWS!
Every year we’re treated to the unsightly act of a group of hopeless young business professionals being grilled by Lord Sugar’s snitches in chief and this year it all came up trumps.
Camilla, Sabrina, Khadija, Sian and Daniel sat through a set of excruciating interviews which exposed them all, which came as no surprise whatsoever, to be morons of varying degrees.
Here’s 11 deeply uncomfortable moments we recommend reliving through gritted teeth and partially obstructed vision.
1. We caught a glimpse of the inner workings of privacy within the candidates’ house
It’s been eleven weeks and The Apprentice candidates are only human. They experience urges just like you and I, so Camilla showed the utmost consideration for her fellow housemates by informing them that she required the kitchen for a personal matter. Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s for her nut milk. Camilla’s business plan involves producing various nut milks and she needed to put together some samples. The cheeky tongue face she’s drawn on the sign doesn’t help matters though, to be fair. Either way, DO NUT DISTURB.
2. To prep for her interview, Sian held some swimsuits up to her torso, then said she could definitely see Lord Sugar in one of them
Given that her business plan is for a swimwear company, there was one very obvious thing Sian could’ve done to give the illusion that she had left all her interview preparations until the last minute. She could’ve gone swimming, but The Apprentice didn’t quite seem to have the budget for that, so they plonked her in front of a mirror with a wardrobe of swimwear beside her. Who even hangs their swimwear on a hanger? The President? No. Swimwear gets bundled into a drawer eagerly awaiting for its one outing a year, as is only right.
3. Daniel read over his hangover drink business plan while he was using the step machine
Have? You? Ever? Seen? A? Bigger? Tosser? In? Your? Life? Having spent the past eleven weeks watching Daniel’s approach to business, we’ve all learned a multitude of things about him. For example, you can bet your house on him taking loud and personal phone calls in the gym, parking in mother and child carpark spaces, reserving tables in nightclubs to seem important, describing himself as someone who likes to “work hard and play hard” in his Tinder bio and he 100% without question has a standing desk in his office.
4. To prep for her interview, Sabrina hit a tennis ball off the side of the house several times
Her business plan involves tennis tournaments, so this made perfect sense. Rather than looking over the intricacies of your business plans, you should lounge about in the garden, hitting a tennis ball off the side of the house just in case that’s a mandatory requirement in the interview. Countless times Claude Littner has requested that the candidates step outside and play three sets against the closest wall. Sabrina has very clearly been watching The Apprentice for quite some time because these are the actions of a winner.
5. Khadija gave the bathroom a thorough cleaning to prepare for her interview, which to be fair, we’ve all done
Although her business is an eco cleaning company, it was pretty clear why Khadija was cleaning the communal bathroom when she was supposed to be prepping for her interview. The producers told her to do it so that they could kill two birds with the one stone – getting B-roll footage and saving a quick buck on the house cleaners that day. Either that or Khadija was procrastinating, which is entirely fine as well. Let he who hasn’t defrosted the entire freezer instead of doing coursework cast the first stone, etc.
6. Camilla’s nut milk branding was revealed and it’s…. different?
As we’ve learned from her signage back at the candidates’ house, the suggestive nature of her nut milk products has absolutely not been lost on Camilla. During the course of one of her interviews, Camilla was asked what the above image says to her, which Camilla responded with “fun, sexy, sassy” and was swiftly told that it was completely sexualised and provocative, then asked if a supermarket would ever want to partner with such imagery, to which she was completely stumped. To be fair though, it definitely advertises nut milk.
7. Camilla started her interview with Claude by saying “Yoo-hoo”
Generally an interview begins with you saying hello, introducing yourself and then engaging in a confident handshake. But not Camilla ‘Nut Milk’ Ainsworth who decided to launch into a quick “Yoo-hoo” before she’d even sat down opposite Claude. Rightfully, he queried the expression, which she declined to elaborate further. These candidates, as I have said time and time again over the course of the past eleven weeks, are complete and utter morons. But heck, we must admit that they’ve made some exceptional viewing for us all. Bless them, each and every one.
8. Daniel bragged that he would shake Claude’s hand before the interview, then went on to absolutely not shake Claude’s hand before the interview
Like a scene straight out of The Office, Daniel was slouched in the seats downstairs bragging about how he would definitely be shaking Claude’s hand before the interview. He then got into the lift, headed up to Claude’s office and proceeded to be left hanging by the relentless savage that is Claude Littner. That’s a power move from Claude, a man who always uses the interview week on the show to prove himself to be so much more than Lord Sugar’s professional snitch. Last night we learned that he is also a messy bitch who lives for drama.
9. Lord Sugar described tennis fanatic Sabrina as ‘Sabrina Williams’ and now he is a professional comedian
Do you get it? Because her name is Sabrina, which kind of sounds like Serena, and Serena Williams is a very famous tennis player, probably the greatest one on the circuit at the moment. This proves two things: 1) Lord Sugar is very good at word association and 2) He is a comedian now. All it takes is making one reasonably good joke on telly and then you are deemed as a comedian. He will now add it to the biography section on every social media platform, change his profile picture to him holding a microphone and add the title to his LinkedIn. Congrats!
10. Sabrina and Camilla heavily side-eyed the interviewers as they left Lord Sugar’s boardroom
The two girls had been grilled, nay lightly sautéed by the interviewers not even 24 hours previously. The pain is still fresh in their hearts, the memories as clear as day. Rather than running home crying to their families, they remain in The Apprentice process, fighting for the chance to be Lord Sugar’s next business partner. Sabrina and Camilla chose the only defence they had, which was to throw the interviewers a filthy look as they left Lord Sugar’s boardroom. Credit where it’s due, they’ve absolutely smashed it. Pity one of them subsequently got fired, but still.
11. In the ultimate act of deceit, Daniel wished a hangover on Lord Sugar after being fired
After being fired by Lord Sugar, Daniel went on a vicious tirade. Just kidding, but he did wish a hangover upon Lord Sugar for firing him. The real killer here is that Daniel’s business plan was a company that makes hangover cure drinks, which Lord Sugar would now be unable to access since he’s declined the opportunity to go into business with Daniel. It’s a sick burn and one that Lord Sugar should consider taking legal action against Daniel for. Wishing a hangover on someone is a reckless act and one that we here at JOE.co.uk would like to publicly condone.
Images via BBC
