“I went home, I did a marathon of the Kardashians, I had a cheeky bar of Galaxy, had a spray tan and had a beautiful day”.
As we’ve learned from Muggy Mike’s offerings, Celebs Go Dating is an absolute treasure trove for celebrities spouting their innermost thoughts.
The difference between Mike and Gemma is that our Gem has the tendency to be pretty fucking funny.
There’s something about her blinding self confidence and unique way of communicating that makes her possibly one of the greatest unintentional comedic minds of our generation.
Here’s 15 Gemma Collins nuggets we were treated to during last night’s Celebs Go Dating.
1. Listen my darling, don’t be disappointed in me, I know what I’m doing. I make my own rules because I am fabulous, darling.
2. I did get up, I did put my hair and makeup on, I got in the car. There was traffic on the road at Leytonstone. I sat in it for 30 minutes and I thought “Dunno if I’m feeling Paris”. I went home, I did a marathon of the Kardashians, I had a cheeky bar of Galaxy, had a spray tan and had a beautiful day.
3. I feel terrible. You have a way of making me feel terrible.
4. Oh no, I feel sick. This is awful.
5. Sorry about Paris, Lawrence. There was traffic on the road. I didn’t have a phone, my battery went.
6. I don’t want to feel like I can walk all over you because give me an inch, I will take a mile.
7. Can you stop looking at me so disappointed, you would’ve made a great school teacher.
8. I need to start kissing people.
9. My juices don’t easily flow. I liked to be wooed, whisked off my feet and then the juice might start to flow.
10. Obviously all the boyfriends I go out with always want to drive my Range Rovers, none of them have ever had driving licences because they’ve all been dodgy.
11. It’d be really nice to be with a guy that I can actually get in a car with and be the lady.
12. I had a meeting with an astrologer. I spoke to her about you. I was all confused and I just turned the car back and went home.
13. My life is obviously very exciting but when I come in of a night, I’ve got no one to share it with.
14. Don’t get overexcited yet because I might change my mind.
15. Maybe I might give him my tongue next time.
Lead image via Channel 4
