Day 7.
We’re a week in, we’ve already got our favourites and we’ve even established who’s The Absolute Worst (Eyal, obviously). This is peak Love Island.
Last night’s episode was another standard instalment of Love Island. Some people kissed, a few of them had a laugh, there was some bitching and Alex wore something ridiculous again. All in all, it was most definitely Love Island.
Here’s six key moments from last night’s show that are worth revisiting.
1. Hayley keeps £2.05 around her neck at all times
Why is this so, Hayley? Do you need to keep some spare change for the bus? Perhaps a Tesco meal deal? Is there paid parking outside the villa that you keep having to run outside to top up? Are you saving it up to buy precisely one Freddo bar? Regardless of the logic, that is undoubtedly two of the Queen’s pounds and five pence chilling around Hayley’s neck and I cannot wait to see the tan lines it produces. Just two pale circles upon her chest, like a crop circle but done by the sun. How exciting. People said this series of Love Island wouldn’t be as good as last year’s, but evidently, they’re absolutely spot on.
2. The villa’s toaster has seen some dark and unspeakable things
Alright little buddy, calm down. Take it easy, you’re overheating. Mate, what’s happened? It’s only been a week and you look haggard. I’m going to draw a sketch of yourself and you’re going to point out on the diagram specifically where these islanders have touched you. There’s no wrong answer here, nobody’s going to get into trouble. We just want to get to the bottom of all this and then we can move on. Don’t be hesitant. Just be honest. Was it Eyal? Did Eyal do or say something obnoxious to you? I fucking knew it, I swear to God he is scum. Right, you sit tight and I’ll get this all cleared up. Have a bath or something, just relax.
3. Samira apparently slid into Charlie’s DMs long before Love Island
Samira recognised Charlie in Sunday night’s episode, stating that they’d matched on a dating app, but Charlie and his large nipples revealed the truth on last night’s show where he teased Samira for sliding into his DMs. Unfortunately, we didn’t hear which app Samira used, but that is still a stunning revelation. In the year of our Lord 2018, girls are sliding into guys’ DMs, meaning we have achieved full equality. There are no more gender barriers, the wage gap has been closed and now we are living in a fair and equal society. Girls can slide into DMs, girls can vote, girls can write for a men’s website. We’ve done it gals, we’ve actually done it.
4. Alex went on his first Love Island date looking like a notebook
Megan chose Alex for her final date, having just snogged Eyal, but let’s put that aside for now. Having produced some questionable outfits in the past, Alex was visibly hoping to impress Megan with his latest effort. Unfortunately, Alex’s t-shirt choice made him look like a notebook, along with some trademark squiggly writing that all Doctors fall victim to. The entire country is rooting for Al Pal, so it’s continually upsetting to see such poor fashion choices. Obviously Megan’s feelings for Alex would be clear regardless of his clothes, but turning up to a date looking like a prescription pad isn’t doing him any favours.
5. The islanders left their rubbish in the middle of a field because they are litter louts and also animals
Would they do this at home? Yes, probably. Charlie, Megan and Josh went to a Spanish field for a series of dates with their fellow islanders. Each had a picnic blanket, basket and some prosecco in tow. Did they think to clean up after themselves once the dates had finished? Did they heck. All three legged it back to the villa in arms with their final dates without clearing up their rubbish. In Spain, littering carries a heavy fine, with up to €3,000 being penalised in the Marbella region. I hope these whippersnappers get invoiced for their debts against society. As viewers, we cannot and will not tolerate such haphazard behaviour on our television screens. Not on my Fitbit.
6. Someone on the production team doesn’t know how to spell NiallÂ
Niall. It’s pretty simple. They somehow managed to spell Eyal correctly, but Niall was what stumped them. During the saucy challenge, Laura and Niall had to lick each others’ faces because this show is trash. But the small card that revealed Laura’s face-licking partner was laughable. ‘Nial’. I mean, surely someone proofed the cards before they went to print and then subsequent lamination. That’s not a difficult name to spell. Niall has two Ls. The sanctity of Love Island has been ruined. The production staff can’t spell. Alex looks like a notebook. It’s all gone to shit and we’re only a week in.
Images via ITV
