Day 6.
Oh heck, really and truly, it all kicked off on last night’s episode of Love Island.
A zebra broke out of its enclosure in a nearby zoo, then charged its way to the villa and insisted that the producers allow him to compete in the series. He was quite vicious, so their hands were tied. They had no choice. They let the zebra take part on the show.
He took Rosie out on a date and they kissed. It was quite moving, actually. Unfortunately, there was a misunderstanding and the zookeeper shot the zebra with a tranquilliser mid kiss, leaving Rosie’s tongue lodged in the comatose zebra’s mouth. After three hours of intensive surgery, they finally got it free.
Annoyingly, none of that made it into the edit. So what you saw was just another standard episode of Love Island.
Here’s seven vitally important moments you might’ve missed because you were texting the whole time. I saw you.
1. Laura debuted a new look and it was really something
I like it. It’s fun, energetic, interesting to look at and definitely unique. After the couples did a spot of morning yoga together, Laura was obviously feeling very flexible. She went into the diary room and then produced the baffling pose pictured above. Imagine if all humans actually looked like that. Imagine if our arms were intertwined. How fun. Holiday photos would improve tenfold, with the awkward hand on hip pose in front of a sunset finally being eradicated. Let’s all get surgery to become double-jointed and look like Laura. If nothing else, it’ll be a laugh? Look at her face ffs, she’s having a blast.
2. Alex squinted from the sun. If only there was some kind of apparatus nearby that could’ve helped?
Alex and Eyal were having a casual morning chat in the sun, discussing important world news topics such as how Eyal has decided to give Hayley a second chance even though they can’t stand each other. Throughout their conversation, both of the boys were squinting from the sun. If only there was some kind of apparatus nearby that is specifically designed to keep the sun’s harmful rays out of their eyes? Wait. WAIT. Hang on a second. You see those sunglasses on top of the boys’ heads? If they move them to one side and slick their hair down to cover their eyes, they just might be relieved from squinting any longer. Lol, what a pair of idiots. Use your brains!
3. Dani and Jack risked electrocution by going into the sea with their microphone packs on because they are in love
Right, we get it, you fancy each other. Perhaps your love is electrifying, that’s absolutely fine. But I’m pretty sure that getting into the sea with your microphone pack on is a bad idea. Also, they’ve got a swimming pool back at the villa, so if Dani and Jack are craving some buoyancy, all they need to do is hop into that. The sea is gross, it’s salty, there’s rocks at the bottom, fish do their toilet business in it and it’s cold. There is no logical reason for this pair to walk into the sea, let alone ruin an expensive set of microphones in the process. What’s next? Are they going to microwave their microphones to dry them off? Morons, get a clue!
4. Laura brought furry slippers to the villa because you can take the girl out of Scotland…
Look, I get it. You’re going on holidays for a long time so you need to bring everything you own with you. But when you’re going somewhere as warm as Spain, do furry slippers really factor into your list of essentials? For allegedly 29-year-old Scottish girl Laura, they are a mandatory requirement, it seems. The average temperature for Spain at this time of year is in the high twenties, which is most definitely not furry slipper weather. It’s not even furry slipper weather in the UK right now. This is unacceptable behaviour and I’d like her removed from the villa with immediate effect.
5. With Hayley on the couch, Eyal turned to his water bottle for a good spooning
It’s an understandable replacement for someone who well and truly just had his heart ripped out, split in half, put back in, then ripped out again and stomped all over it. Hayley made the wise decision to sleep on the couch last night, which meant Eyal had nobody to provide him with big spoon services. Ever the innovator, Eyal used his water bottle and a duvet cover to fill the void, which looks hilarious from this angle and is undoubtedly an uncomfortable thing to sleep with on your back. Still, at least something is finally making a move on Eyal, regardless of the fact that it is an inanimate object. He’s a deep guy, he’s open to it.
6. Samira looked at the new boys the same way your Mum looks at Ceefax pages
Walking out to meet the new boys, Samira truly was doing a bang on impression of my Mum trying to read Ceefax pages. Rather than using their glasses as is intended, Mums always look over them for certain things, as if their failing eyes can trick the system and see better without using glasses. It’s nonsense, but at least Samira’s approach makes sense. There’s no way those sunglasses are polarised, so she’s far better off relying on her naked eyes to get a very quick assessment of whether two guys are fit or not. Maybe, just maybe, she is a genius. Alex might be a doctor, but Samira is an innovator.
7. New guy Charlie doesn’t have any eyebrows so I’ve given him some
He’s got blonde hair, so it makes sense that his eyebrows are also fair. But what would Charlie look like with eyebrows? Fret no more as I have provided him with an incredibly realistic pair of brows, specially handcrafted to suit his face and absolutely not drawn on using Microsoft Paint. Charlie is a handsome guy, but I’ve just taken him from a 9 to an 11. He can never repay me for what I have done. He is irresistible now. An Adonis. The 23-year-old model thought his career was successful until now, but his phone is about to ring a whole lot more thanks to his new look.
Images via ITV
