Week 4 – Electric Bikes!
Big old night on The Apprentice, wasn’t it?
The candidates had to sell electric bikes because in these uncertain times, it’s important that we all band together to make fun of this year’s business hopefuls, oh yeah and try to save the planet or whatever.
As always, we were treated to an hour of sufficiently uncomfortable television, watching people that know nothing about business trying to do business. It is truly the perfect format.
Here’s eight moments that were particularly cringe to watch.
1. To start the day off right, two of the boys wrestled each other so forcefully that they broke a bed frame
Ladies and gentlemen, the future of British business. After their wakeup call at an ungodly hour, the boys got themselves hyped for the day by having a quick wrestle on the bed, slowly pushing things to the point where the bed frame made a very audible cracking noise and it became clear that someone would be sleeping on the floor that night.
2. We were reminded that one of the candidates has the name and job title of a Peppa Pig character
‘Lottie Lion the Librarian’ is a Peppa Pig character who provides the townspeople with books and such like. She is incredibly old and hard of hearing. If you return a book late, she will chop off one of your paws and then feast upon it for supper to sustain herself for an entire calendar week. Lottie Lion enjoys tending to her garden and cursing the souls of the undead.
3. Just four weeks into the show, we were treated to The Camera Shot Of The Series
Look at that! The dangly ballsack bicycle light was front and centre, with Ryan-Mark’s expression doing all of the heavy lifting in the background. Give the director a raise and give the camera operator an even bigger one. That takes balls, that kind of shot. It’s not even in focus, only the candidates are. The Academy Awards are inventing a new ‘Ballsack camera angle’ award as we speak.
4. WE WERE THEN TREATED TO THE SECOND BEST CAMERA SHOT OF THE SERIES
Another! Shot! Of! The! Ballsack! Lights! What a consistent treat throughout the course of last night’s episode of The Apprentice. It was an incredibly artistic and cinematic experience to see the above visual, but what really adds a sense of finesse is knowing that the camera operator had to get down between that man’s legs to shoot it, probably even lie on the floor. Lol.
5. One of the teams called their product ‘E-fit’ because they obviously didn’t know what an e-fit was
Electronic Facial Identification Technique, basically how wanted criminals are apprehended by using a facial composite. That’s what e-fit means. But sure, go ahead and use the same name for an electric bicycle too. Perhaps we can kill two birds with the one stone by using an e-fit of bicycles to track down criminal bicycles.
6. For no logical reason whatsoever, one of the candidates dressed as a traffic cone for the bike presentation
Pamela drew the short straw in a non-existent competition where nobody emerged as a winner. For no logical reason, she appeared in the background of the presentation dressed head-to-toe as a traffic cone. It made no sense, it added nothing to the ambiance and it frankly looked quite uncomfortable. But, at the same time, mad props to whoever suggested that she wear it.
7. Thomas stared dead into the camera when the receptionist’s phone rang and it was frankly very frightening
Thomas, please stop breaking the fourth wall, but also, please keep providing us with golden boardroom waiting area moments. Last week he gave the receptionist a weak little smile, this week he stared right into the souls of the nation when the phone rang, with a look that said “Probably fucked this one lads, say a prayer”. What a passport photo of a man.
8. Ryan-Mark answered the door to Lord Sugar’s house call like he was on MTV Cribs
An unscheduled house call is always a firm highlight during every series of The Apprentice and this year’s was no different. Ryan-Mark was enjoying a glass of champagne, clad in a woollen jumper and comfy pants when the doorbell rang. He looked thoroughly shocked to see Lord Sugar standing there, and not a delivery man with a pizza and an expectant face looking for a tip. It’s easy to believe that this is how Ryan-Mark answers every door.
Images via BBC
