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01st Sep 2017

Alternative captions for Brooklyn Beckham’s moody photo shoot

"Check if I'm getting enough iron"

Ciara Knight

He’s 18 years old now, he can handle the #memes.

At approximately 2am UK time this morning, the world changed forever.

Brooklyn Beckham uploaded the following Instagram post:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BYepW87D9x-/

Thirty images that have rocked the world more than ever before, also known as a photo shoot.

Unfortunately, the only captions that Brooklyn has chosen to share with us are the file numbers. This simply won’t do.

I shall now waste valuable time captioning these images in a similar vein to Brooklyn’s usual patter. This will help us better identify the images whence they are inevitably included in the history books.

Have an itchy boob

 

FFS Mum WHY do we always have to take photos on the first day of school?

 

So glad the barber left every cut piece of hair to accumulate on my neck

 

Slept weird – woke up with a crick in my neck

 

Just got my wisdom teeth out – OUCH!

 

Double history classes on a Monday morning, little bit leave it

 

Bit of dust went in my eye, hate when that happens

 

Empty bus and you’ve chosen to sit right beside me. Nice one.

 

I can crack my knuckles wanna see?

 

Well I used to be able to, give me a second…

 

Hear that? Told you I could do it

 

Having a quick feel of my junk. Yep, still there

 

YOU FUCKIN WOT M8?

 

NOW TELL ME AGAIN THAT I CAN’T PUT TWO TOPPINGS ON MY MCFLURRY I FUCKING DARE YOU

 

That’s more like it. Dairy Milk AND Crunchie, thank you. Few Smarties also wouldn’t go amiss

 

FFS DON’T JUST GIVE ME A HALF AMOUNT OF THEM ALL, I WANT FULL SIZED TOPPING PORTIONS

 

America can try, but they’ll never be able to ban *these* guns

 

Need to get up but my bed is so cosy lol

 

Walked up two flights of stairs. Fucked.

 

Yeah I wear slim fit jeans but that doesn’t make me any less of a man

 

Thinkin’ bout feminism

 

Shouldn’t it be called ‘Doctor Whom’?

 

Do I look Chinese?

 

Check if I’m getting enough iron

 

Yeah I’d love to hear all the health benefits of your plant-based diet

Images via Instagram