Series 13, episode 5
The nation was treated to another instalment of Celebrity MasterChef last night, much to the delight of anyone that needed a little boost regarding their personal cookery skills.
Comedian Zoe Lyons, cricketer Monty Panesar, actor Chizzy Akudolu, Paralympian Stefanie Reid and reality TV queen Gemma Collins graced the kitchen with their presence as they did their best to impress the judges, some to more effect than others.
With the boldest claim ever witnessed in a television show’s introductory segment, Gemma Collins prefaced her performance with “Who knows, maybe I could be the next Nigella?”, and with that, things got off to an exceptional start.
Here’s six hilarious moments from last night’s Celebrity MasterChef, heavily dependent on your definition of hilarity.
1. The celebrities appeared to have embarked on an Arctic exploration to get to the Celebrity MasterChef  kitchen
“I am just going outside and may be some time”, the celebrities said to their loved ones as they risked life and limb to get to the MasterChef kitchen on what appears to be a particularly snowy winter’s day. They braved the conditions to entertain us, the adoring public. They are heroes and us, unworthy bystanders. If each and every single one of those valiant souls isn’t honoured with at least a BAFTA next year, it has all been for nothing. Do NOT vote for Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway again. They’ve had their turn.
2. Gregg had to intervene and stop Gemma from trying to cut a coconut open with a knife
From the outset it became very clear that the show was going to be dominated by Gemma Collins, and rightfully so. She burst onto the scene, throwing a concoction of items into a pan and hoping for the best, as all good chefs tend to do. As Gregg was chatting to her, Gemma proceeded to attack a coconut with a knife, which prompted Gregg to pull the above face, saying “WOOOOAH DON’T USE THE KNIFE”. Gemma replied “Alright, back to the drawing board” and instantly accepted defeat rather than learning how to crack it open.
3. Gemma lobbed a generous helping of Cointreau into her chickpea concoction because there are no rules in cooking
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John described it as someone walking back from the bar with a piña colada and throwing a load of chickpeas in it, which was a very fair assessment of what Gemma presented to the judges. Is orange liquor a good addition to any dinner? Yes, but not mixed in with the food, usually. Most diehard Gemma Collins fans would’ve expected her to cook microwave chips, or at an absolute push, oven chips, so anything else is a true bonus. Give it a year and Heston Blumenthal will be serving up a similar dish in exchange for £5,000 and a lock of a true virgin’s pubic hair.
4. For no reason whatsoever, Gemma started dancing to the beat of a timer in the middle of a professional kitchen
The oven made a quick sound which appeared to trigger the dancer within Gemma Collins. She stood next to a pair of stacked ovens and a professional chef who was doing his best to teach her some basic cookery skills, and she danced. I firmly believe that if you were to put any song on as you watch the above gif, it will sync up perfectly, even something by Enya. Dancing kitchens are the future, it seems. Gemma Collins continues to slay the culinary game, one bold and borderline inappropriate move at a time.
5. Gemma had to be called back into the kitchen because she was off socialising with the customers
In the middle of a busy kitchen service, the head chef had to scream at Gemma to return to her workstation because she was busy doing a meet and greet with the public. This is proof, lest we needed it, that we are dealing with the future monarchy. Gemma Collins is royalty, her blood may not show it just yet, but her attitude towards life does. She was given the easiest task in the kitchen (cooking fish in brown paper, then serving it still intact in the goddamn paper), yet she still tried to weasel out of doing it. An inspiration and a queen. Gemma Collins OBE.
6. Someone took a bite out of Chizzy’s apple pancakes before she served them up
Has the world’s tiniest mouse snuck into the Celebrity MasterChef kitchen and helped himself or herself to a tiny sampling of Chizzy’s pancakes? If so, why were we deprived of how incredible that footage would’ve been, seeing a mouse in a full suit for some reason, napkin tucked into its collar, struggling under the weight of an entire pancake to get a bite of that sweet, sweet nectar. BBC needs to roll out Celebrity MasterMouse next year or they will be losing a very loyal viewer. I will be taking no further questions at this time. Thank you.
Images via BBC
