Charlie Sheen just put his huge mansion on sale for a ridiculous price

To be fair, it looks spectacular.

Charlie Sheen has done an extremely Charlie Sheen thing and put his mansion up for sale for $9,999,999 (£7.16million).

That’s right, only nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine dollars. No, not $10million. Of course not 10 million. That would be ridiculous. That’s amateur hour real estate my friend.

The former Two and a Half Men actor was earning $1million per episode but his contract was terminated by the show in 2011. He is now selling his Beverly Hills home, which includes vital mod-cons such as a swimming pool, a cinema room, an extra swimming pool and an extra cinema room.

Let’s take a look at the pad, shall we?

This is Charlie Sheen’s gym.

Charlie Sheen has a pirate’s treasure chest sat in his gym.

Any further questions?

Of course he has a wet bar. Obviously Charlie Sheen has a big fuck-off wet bar.

Here’s one of the pools. Presumably this one is for just sitting in and smoking cigars rather than any actual swimming.

And this one is for his famously competitive mixed-water polo tournaments.

You got enough plants on your house mate? Enough fucking conversion of carbon dioxide into breathable oxygen for you there, pal?

I don’t know about you, but I find it best when the chairs are facing the screen in a cinema, rather than in the opposite direction.

Oh look, another bar.

Nailed it. The red mood lighting is, how do you say, a vibe.

This is just a bedroom, isn’t it? Just a fairly nice bedroom. You’d have a decent kip in there, I reckon.

I can’t see a bar in this picture, but presumably there is one. Like you press a secret button and the fish tank will rotate into the wall or something. Out comes a model with a drinks globe. Surely he has this installed. Surely he has this technology.

Charlie Sheen’s kitchen is actually mildly disappointing. I don’t know what else to tell you. Soulless. I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t this. That’s me out of the bidding.