Day 12
Hard to believe we’re almost two weeks into the wonder that is I’m A Celeb 2018. Not as hard as it is to believe that Jacob Rees-Mogg is only 49 years old, but still.
Last night’s show was the usual mix of fun, frolics, borderline starvation and Harry Redknapp initially being appalled by the dinner option, then wolfing it down.
John, Harry and Nick took part in a gripping trial which involved them putting together a puzzle that stumped Redders far more than it should have.
It was another treat of an episode. There will be a giant hole in the heart of the nation when the series ends. We must fill it with Christmas treats and GBBO reruns.
Here’s six hilarious moments worth revisiting.
1. Noel proudly revealed how he absolutely screwed the good people of Bristol
Noel Edmonds wasn’t happy with the traffic situation in Bristol, so he did what any normal person would do. He got his wife to buy him a black cab and then used that to drive in the bus lane, causing the council to install surveillance cameras on every road in the city, costing the taxpayers a big old heap of money in the process. Then when they fined him for being an absolute twonk, he did what any normal person would do. He bought a bus and then used that instead. Truly, as I have said many times, rich people are the root of all evil in this godforsaken world and they will one day kill us all.
2. John Barrowman provided a masterclass in dynamic stretching
The benefits of dynamic stretches are endless, combining movement with stretching and getting the actual muscles to do all the work, resulting in a far more thorough warm-up exercise. These celebrities are losing weight, they’re not moving around a lot and that makes them prone to injury. John Barrowman had the good sense to get a quick stretch in before his trial alongside Harry and Nick took place. As you can see, Harry did a quick hamstring stretch, but Nick forewent it altogether. John is the only one truly committing to the movement, ensuring that his muscles will be fit and healthy for the task ahead. Clearly, the man’s talents have no end and we’re lucky to get to see them all on I’m A Celeb.
3. Harry was incredibly gracious in defeat. Just kidding, he maintained that he was robbed
In fairness to Harry, he got off to a great start in the trial, reaching the final part first, but it was the jigsaw that stumped him. Nick and John overtook him and he finished in last place. Rather than being gracious in defeat, Harry raced back to camp to let the others know that he absolutely bossed it up until the final part. Emily asked why he struggled with the jigsaw and he said that he was “probably a bit thick”, which was the best losers’ admission the world has ever seen in any competition ever. Harry Redknapp was such a sore loser, it’s expected to take him quite some time to get over the upset, just in time for the next series of I’m A Celeb to start.
4. One of the challenges involved reenacting the Titanic’s maiden voyage tragedy of 1912
Too soon. Way, way too soon, I’m A Celeb. Rita, Malique, James and Emily had to keep their boats afloat and their flags held high as they filled with water and began to sink. It was a cruel task, one that diehard Titanic fans would’ve found quite triggering. Rita’s determination to distract the others was a welcome relief from the misery, as was the moment James’ little boat sank in an incredibly elegant manner, leaving him to drown without a necklace-wielding first class passenger to mourn him. The Titanic movie reboot is going to be something very special if this elaborate trailer was anything to go by.
5. Harry! Redknapp! Dropped! The! Soap!
Shouldn’t be funny really, should it? A football manager losing control of a presumably very slippy bar of soap while he’s bathing in a little pond in the middle of the Australian jungle. Yet it took the addition of four other people to help him retrieve the damn thing, with Malique eventually giving up and taking control of the situation by diving in to get it. Harry was happy enough to set aside three days to try to float it up to the surface using his feet, but enough was enough. Malique performed a professional dive and caught it like {insert decent goalkeeper} saving a free kick from {insert decent striker}. Look, football isn’t for everyone. But neither is being able to hold onto soap, evidently.
6. Noel was forced to confess how long it had been since he last fantasised about having *~relations~* with Mr. Blobby
As is a mandatory part of every I’m A Celeb series, the celebrities were lined up during last night’s show and forced to admit how recent their last lustful thought about Mr. Blobby was. Most of the campmates had lasted a couple of days, with Anne Hegerty boasting that she had never thought about him that way at all, but it was proven to be a lie as nobody is immune to the seductive powers of our handsome overlord. Noel Edmonds came in last place, with the shortest time of just 1 hour, 1 minute and 10 seconds since he last fantasised about having *~relations~* with Mr. Blobby, thereby exposing himself as a massive pervert.
Images via ITV
