The world momentarily stopped turning when pictures of Orlando Bloom’s penis appeared online.
If anything came close to breaking the internet, it was shots of the Hollywood star, buck naked astride a paddleboard with girlfriend Katy Perry.
British media published pixelated pictures of Bloom’s old chap – but curiosity got the better of most people who immediately googled the shit out of it.
Men and women alike were agog at the mighty shadow his member cast in the midday Sardinian sun in the images which spread like wildfire across the net.
Seeing Bloom triumphantly paddling Perry around on the board, naked as the day he was born, penis flapping in the wind, was enough to make most blokes feel wholly inadequate. Thanks for that, Orlando.
THE DAILY STAR FRONT PAGE: "Blooming oarsome Orlando" #skypapers pic.twitter.com/YrwMX2IX0p
— Sky News (@SkyNews) August 3, 2016
The star didn’t seem at all bothered that the world had now clapped eyes on his cock and balls.
Quite the opposite in fact, he found it quite amusing that his dick pics were floating about online for all to see, apparently.
The Pirates of the Caribbean actor responded by taking the piss out of himself and having a cheeky dig at all those people who are baying for more of the same.
He couldn’t help himself by posting a ‘sex tape’ to his newly-public Instagram account, which is literally a sex tape. Clever stuff…
https://www.instagram.com/p/BJ5rJxCjkNp/?taken-by=orlandobloom
It wasn’t the first Instagram post he made about the whole thing either. Bloom proved he has a sense of humour about the whole weird, voyeuristic tabloid cock shots with this reference to the episode…
https://www.instagram.com/p/BJ0uUYIjlPQ/
Maybe the whole thing was completelty innocent, maybe it was a big publicity stunt to get him back in the world’s eye.
Whatever the reason behind it, we like Seth Rogen’s take on the whole thing. The Knocked Up actor recently told The Sun…
“I think the philosophy might be: ‘It’s a competitive market, I’m Orlando Bloom, I’ve been great for years but you know what, there are all these new kids out there — the Jamie Dornan’s of the world coming up — maybe I gotta show my d*** to make people remember Orlando Blooms is a f***ing OG.
“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t more inclined to put him in something now that I saw he has a great d**.”
Amen.
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