Week 9 – Patisserie
It’s the GBBO semi-finals!!!!!
Last night’s episode was a whirlwind from start to finish, seeing the contestants tackle the notoriously difficult patisserie week.
We laughed, we cried, we felt deeply uncomfortable about Paul Hollywood’s familiarity with incontinence pants, then laughed and cried a bit more.
Here’s six hilarious moments you might’ve missed.
1. Noel and Sandi were dressed like a colourblindness test
In honour of reaching the milestone of semi-final week, Noel and Sandi decided to dress as colourblindness tests. The examination process is very simple. If you can see both shirts and recognise that they are indeed eyesores, you are not colourblind. If you can see the outfits and consider them to be acceptable clothing items, you are indeed a colourblind individual and need to contact an eye care specialist at your nearest convenience.
2. Rahul had to ask why everyone was laughing at the word ‘hump’
After having their madeleines thoroughly examined by the judges, Rahul took a moment alone in the garden to process things. He quietly asked the cameraman why everyone was laughing at the word ‘hump’, which was used to describe the underside of the madeleines. Sadly, nobody answered Rahul and now he will have to go on living without the knowledge that ‘hump’ is a very funny word. Truly, he is the most precious man alive and it is our duty to protect him at all costs.
3. The tent was so warm, the chocolate had already melted before they even put it on heat
Still think global warming is a myth? If things keep going the way they are, GBBO is going to have to be cancelled. They film during the summer, which means the increasing temperatures are going to leave them in a position where it’s simply too warm to bake. Cakes won’t set, icing will melt, ovens won’t even be needed anymore. It’ll be chaos. Forget about saving the planet for future generations, we should all be looking after it so that we can continue to watch GBBO until the end of time. Stop being so selfish. Recycle your goddamn rubbish.
4. Paul compared Briony’s chocolate coating to a pair of incontinence pants, which proves that he knows what a pair of incontinence pants looks like
Prue and Paul bodied Briony’s chocolate coating efforts during the technical challenge, which saw Paul blurt out the line “It’s like a pair of incontinence pants”, to which everyone erupted into laughter. What they didn’t immediately realise was that Paul could only draw such a precise comparison if he had firsthand experience with incontinence pants. What I am saying, by way of starting a rumour, is that Paul Hollywood suffers from incontinence and therefore wears incontinence pants. He is wearing them right now, tinkling freely into their absorption.
5. Rahul continued to be the human embodiment of Eeyore by dropping the realest line of the series
Damn. When Rahul said “As soon as something good happens, something bad just comes behind it”, I really felt that. It’s true. You never realise it at the time, but when you’re going through a good patch, there’s always a downer on the way. It might happen tomorrow, or not for a couple of weeks, but it’s on the way. Something terrible is coming for us all. Life is a bottomless pit of suffering and despair. The key to happiness is doing things that momentarily distract us from the inevitability of death. Anyway, have a wonderful day 🙂
6. Kim-Joy drowned her sadness with pastry, as everyone should
After receiving mixed comments from the judges, Kim-Joy took the only acceptable course of action, drowning her sorrows in her own homemade treats. Sometimes you have to sit back, accept defeat and then gorge yourself on a variety of elegant French pastries, or crisps if that’s all that’s in the vicinity. Is there a more relatable image from last night’s GBBO than the one pictured above? No, there isn’t, because I checked. Everyone did their best and proved that they are all human at the end of the day. Will I be crying during the final next week? Yes. As should you.
Images via Channel 4
