Day 44
Big bloody night in the Love Island villa last night.
Big bloody night. Huge. Meaty. Delicious. Satisfying. It all kicked off and we finally got what we so richly crave – A SMALL BIT OF DRAMA.
Curtis absolutely fucked everything by excitedly salsa dancing his way over to Maura to deliver some gossip, which she inevitably told Anna who rightfully LOST HER NUT at Jordan.
Best moment of the episode? Probably when India very clearly told Jordan that she saw him as a mate and he immediately reflected by saying the word back to himself in a solemn tone.
Elsewhere, here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island.Â
1. The nation projectile vomited in one singular, uniform burst after seeing the following sequence of events
Precisely eight minutes and fifty seconds into last night’s Love Island, Tommy requested that Molly-Mae “lay some sugar” on him. The nation collectively groaned, putting their televisions on mute to avoid the chilling sound of young adults loudly kissing, but what transpired was a far more sinister act. Tommy stuck out his tongue, as did Molly-Mae, and they touched. Boxer Tommy Fury and social influencer Molly-Mae Hague connected tongues, in a perverse act of love for one another. In that moment, the entirety of Britain and Ireland vomited in one uniform burst. It was a collective moment of mass repulsion, where people across the land set aside their differences to come together in unison to puke at the sight of young love. Disgusting.
2. India genuinely said “There’s easier ways to get £50k than to come in here” and girl, excuse me, what?
Babe. You’re in the Love Island villa for a free holiday. Your meals are all catered, clothes are sent in from sponsors, even the suncream is free. You get to share a bed and sometimes touch lips with a 6ft 7in professional basketball player, there’s a pool to use at your leisure, your only job throughout the day is to top up your tan while your Instagram following continues to grow simply because you’re hot and on the telly (currently at 368k followers). At the end of it all, you might get £50k, or you might not. But either way, between sponsored content, nightclub appearances and random men on the internet willing to pay for photographs of your bare feet, you’re going to make lots of money. WHAT IS EASIER THAN THAT? STEALING? Fair point, actually.
3. Ovie made a very subtle bid for his future career as a film director / cameraman / hand model
Like a contestant on The Apprentice trying to get across the fact that they studied media for their undergrad, Ovie was basking under the hot Mallorcan sun during last night’s show when the mood struck him to line up the perfect shot. As we’ve seen in the B-roll footage (I also studied media), the villa’s garden has a spectacular view, so Ovie used his hands to replicate a standard 16:9 aspect ratio shot. Perhaps he’s thinking about life outside the villa. With his impressive stature, Ovie would make an excellent cameraman. Or, failing that, he could make sure that heavy goods vehicles will fit under bridges with height restrictions simply by strolling through. Frankly, there is nothing Ovie cannot do. Get him in the I’m A Celeb jungle, I want to see him trying to fit comfortably inside a hammock.
4. Jordan put an empty ice lolly box back into the freezer
Is this the worst thing he has done in the Love Island villa? Honestly, yes. Anna and Jordan were about to have an absolute barney, so brought sustenance in the form of ice lollies. At a glance, they appear to be lemon flavoured off-brand Calippos. Regardless, based on the weightless way that Jordan returned the box to the freezer, it was definitely empty. So what we have here is the type of guy that doesn’t replace the toilet roll, leaves a dribble in the milk carton and absolutely does not take recycling seriously. He’s a lazy git. A passive guy. Jordan will not fight for anything unless it directly benefits him. Anna needs to run while she’s still got her shoes on. Leaving empty boxes in the freezer is a major warning sign. Get out, sis. The man is a monster.
5. Tommy called Harley ‘Hayley’, which to be fair is a very easy mistake to make
Look, there’s a lot of people in the villa. Tommy is a boxer, his head has suffered more blows than a tin whistle. Mistakes happen. Have we ever seen Tommy conversing with any of the new girls anyway? No. He is a simple man, devoted to his queen and her genderless stuffed elephant offspring. What we need to take issue with is the fact that Chris didn’t correct Tommy’s blunder. Has he just accepted that Tommy will be calling her Hayley from now on, or does he too believe that the girl he is currently dating is named Hayley? No self-respecting kimono-wearing man would dare let a friend call his lady by the wrong name. Something is afoot here, you can smell it. Harley was never in the villa to begin with. She’s been dead for sixty years. That girl is a ghost.
6. CHRIS GOT A TEXT AND DIDN’T DECLARE IT SO WHO THE HELL WAS HE TEXTING IS EVERYTHING FAKE WHAT THE HELL
What’s that in your trousers, Chris? Is it a phone notification or are you just happy to see some drama kicking off with Anna and Jordan? You absolute weasel. There’s nobody in the villa that you could be texting in that exact moment because they’re all sitting beside you, or arguing with each other on the lawn, or in the process of breaking up. So who is Chris texting? Was it the official Love Island phone? Has he taken back the power and decided to send them texts at inopportune moments delivering bombshells? Why didn’t Chris declare the text? Was there simply too much drama to notice the notification? WHO WAS HE TEXTING? WHAT DID THE TEXT SAY? Oh, hang on, I can just hack his phone and retrieve the message. Bingo. Found it!
Images via ITV
