Why the hell do we do this to ourselves?
Thousands of us sign up, pay our money and go through pain, peril and perspiration in some muddy field that looks like the Somme to get our kicks.
Obstacle course racing (OCR) has turned fitness on its head, and now this bonkers, blood-and-guts sport has become somewhat of a great British past-time.
Each obstacle course is different, the distances may vary, and even the terrain may veer between muddy bog and full-scale trench hellhole.
But the likes of Tough Mudder, Total Warrior, and now Toughest are constantly dreaming up despicable new obstacles to test our mettle to the limit.
We thought we’d round up some of the most challenging ones the British OCR scene has to offer…
Toughest – Super Slide
Obstacle description: This takes some balls. It’s a five-storey water slide which requires daredevil skills, as racers will be launched into the sky before plunging back into a pool of ice cold water below. If you’re not great with heights, you’d better shut those eyes and pray. If you’re not into frostbite-inducing water, maybe bring a wetsuit and a flask with hot soup.
Where: Pippingford Park, Surrey
When: April 23, 2016
Race description: After dominating in the Nordics, this will be Toughest’s UK debut, which will also act as a qualifier for the Obstacle Racing World Championships.
The course is 8km long, and will be made up of as many as 40 different new, unique and innovative obstacles, including the Nunchucks Grip, the Salmon Ladder and the Big Wall.
Dirty Weekend – World’s Longest Monkey Bars
Obstacle description: Remember mucking about on the monkey bars at school? Well, times this by a thousand and you’re somewhere close. Racers will have to hang on for a record-breaking 120m to complete this gruelling obstacle.
Where the Super Slide was a pure test of guts, this is a stone-cold feat of strength and endurance. It will really test your grip and your upper body strength to the max. If you make it to the end, we guarantee you won’t be able to feel your lats or arms.
Where: Burghley House, Stamford, Lincolnshire
When: May 7, 2016
Race description: This will put your endurance to the test. It’s the world’s largest obstacle course, covering 20 miles and 200 obstacles including the Barbed Wire Crawl, The Sewer Rat, and the Back Stroke. Grim.
Tough Guy Mudathon – Torture Chambers
Video NSFW….
Obstacle Description: You will need both physical and mental strength to make it out of this dark, underground wooden cabin.
No more than 3ft in height, racers are required to crawl from one side to the other whilst being electrocuted from dangling dagger like tentacles.
The things people do for a buzz, eh?
Where: Tettenhall Horse Sanctuary, South Perton Farm, South Staffordshire
When: April 10, 2016
Race description: Tough Guy has dozens of obstacles and there’s a quarter marathon course at 6.5 miles or a half marathon one at 13.1 miles, if you’re feeling extra cheeky. Luckily there’s a nine-hour time limit if you have to crawl the last few miles on your hands and knees.
It’s designed to test participants’ fears of heights, tight spaces, fire, water and electricity. Definitely bring a spare pair of underwear, gents.
Tough Mudder – Arctic Enema
Obstacle Description: Ever had an enema? Was it Arctic? Would you like to know what such a procedure might feel like in the sub-zero climbs of Earth’s polar region? Well, step this way my friend.
Racers must slide down a slope at high speed into an icy bath below. You will then have to face brain freeze after ducking under a centre wall to complete the obstacle. It’ll be so cold, you won’t know your head from your arse.
Where: Culden Faw, Fawley, Henley on Thames
When: Next race is April 30, 2016
Race description: This is a team-oriented 10-12 mile obstacle race that puts camaraderie over rankings. This race is designed to test physical strength and mental grit, and judging by the Artic Enema, we’d advise you wear appropriate clothing.
Nuclear Races – Para Plunge (Zip Wire)
https://youtu.be/k5u34Vg8ATw?t=133
Obstacle description: Using a zip line, racers will be expected to jump and glide over 30m of icy cold water to reach the other side. You can probably guess what happens if you don’t make it: you’ll be picking icicles off your nether regions.
Where: Brentwood, Essex
When: Next race is May 14-15, 2016
Race description: Participants can choose between the 6km or the 12km course distances spread over gritty, muddy and obstacle-loaded farmland.
