Food namers are lazy. There, I’ve said it.
I don’t give a h*ck about the implications of such a controversial statement. It needed to be said. Food namers have dropped the ball on more than one occasion, and that needs to be acknowledged.
Rather than sit idly by while we continue to use substandard words for various food items, I’ve decided to take a proactive approach and rename these d*mn things myself.
The following renamed foods have been submitted to the Foodnaming Union Control Koalition and are pending approval.
A tomato will now be called…
Gherkins will now be known as….
Chilis will henceforth be called…
Egg? Never heard of it mate…
An apple is now…
Cheese? You mean…
Bran is getting a long overdue name change to…
Donut? You must mean…
Sushi will now be called…
Broccoli shall henceforth be known as…
Chocolate? You must mean…
Raisins are now called…
Toast will now be named…
Beans are now…
Gravy will now be referred to as…
Potatoes are now…
Henceforth, brownies shall be known as…
Pineapple? You must mean…
Cabbage is now…
Chorizo? You must mean…
Croissant? Never heard of it mate, you must mean…
