@ The Colonel, will you be my Valentine?
Do you want some chicken? Do you want some chicken in a bucket? Do you… do you want some chicken in a bucket, with some floral decoration so you can give it to your loved one and say: “Here, here is some chicken in a bucket, here is some chicken in a bucket with some floral decoration because, well, just, just because I love you”? Do you want that? Do you? Think carefully. Because you can have it. Look. Here. Here it is. Here is some chicken in a bucket with some floral decoration so you can do that. I wasn’t joking. I was serious the entire time.
The ‘Bouquet de Poulet’ – French for, er, let me think, hold on a sec here, er, ‘Bouquet of Chicken’ I reckon – features luxurious red roses, if you’re idea of ‘luxurious’ involves being covered in thick chicken grease, which yeah, obviously it is, intertwined with a variety of Hot Wings, Popcorn Chicken and tender Fillets all presented in the traditional KFC bucket.
KFC claim they worked with Britain’s expert florists on this… which is just a lie, isn’t it? That’s just an outright fib. If you’re an expert florist you’re not going to spend your valuable time designing a bouquet so a man named Ian in a hairnet can slot some chicken fillets in between your rhododendrons are you? You’re just not going to. And I mean, yeah, fine, it is clearly some kind of bouquet, but any amateur can tell this is slapdash affair unfit for a wedding. Hell, it’s unfit for a christening. Still. I reckon it is assembled well enough to give to your partner this evening so they can seductively pick off the popcorn chicken and the rose petals, eat one and cover your bed in the other. Which way round? Entirely up to you.
A spokesperson at KFC UK & Ireland said “At KFC, we know the way to someone’s heart is through our Original Recipe chicken,” which is exactly the sort of thing a spokesperson for KFC would say. You know, working for KFC and all.
“Whether it’s for the one you love, a budding romance, or you just want to give your fried chicken-obsessed mate a gift, the Bouquet de Poulet has got your back this Valentine’s Day as the ultimate present.”
They said that love is dead, romance is gone, and the human experience is nothing more than a hollow, meaningless computer simulation. Yeah, true, fine, but get some chicken in a bucket with some flowers and tell someone you love them anyway. It’s better than a Hallmark card.
