Time for Heroes
You know Pete Doherty. He’s in The Libertines. He gave us some of the finest songs of the 00s. “Can’t Stand Me Now”, “Don’t Look Back Into the Sun”, “What Katie Did”, “Up the Bracket”, “What Became of the Likely Lads”… the list goes on.
Now, he might have just topped them all, all those eternal anthems of disillusioned youth, unremarkable British life and just being fucked all the time, by eating a huge, sloppy breakfast so fast he got the whole thing for free.
Pete Doherty has evolved. Ladies and gentlemen, let me now introduce: Big Pete.
Let us document this remarkable evolution, like the humble caterpillar entering the chrysalis hoping to one day be a butterfly, he has changed. From dishevelled former indie frontman, into his final form, into an absolute fucking unit who can polish off a full English like nobody’s business and wash it down with a Yazoo, just because.
Here is your warrior, Pete Doherty, pre-meal:
He doesn’t look sure, does he? He doesn’t look confident.
Why? Because just look at the size of this:
They’ve put a filter on that in an attempt to make it look at least, remotely appetising. Somehow, it has made it look even worse. This is what the ‘mega breakfast’, found at Dalby Cafe, Margate, contains:
Four rashers of bacon, four eggs, four sausages, hash browns, onion rings, bubble and squeak, beans, two slices of thick break well as a quarter pounder burger and chips.
Fucking hell lads. Fucking hell. Do you want to kill him? Do you actually want to kill him? Do you want him to die?
I needn’t have worried, because Big Pete boshed it out in less than 20 minutes, getting the whole thing for free.
Look at him, our champion, our hero:
The arrogance, the elegance. What a performance from the big fella.
He even had 30 seconds to spare. He even had a fucking strawberry Yazoo! Look at him. Look at him, the absolute fucking sausage-and-beans-munching maverick.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BmvKoSNFVq7/?taken-by=dalbycafe
Mark Ezekiel, cafe owner, told KentLive: “The challenge has been going since 2004, and 15 or 16 people have managed to complete it in total. We get so many people who think they are going to eat it, we thought it was just going to be another case of that.
“He wolfed two-thirds of it down in six or seven minutes. Usually, we get people who eat quite a lot of it at first, but then they hit the wall and they can’t go on anymore.
“Only five or six have managed to complete it in 20 minutes.”
Conclusion: elite mentality. Pete Doherty has an elite mentality.
Now stay off the heavy stuff and stick to the Yazoos please. Make the change.
