Huge news for nugget fans.
The old adage states that money cannot buy you happiness.
It can’t, that much is true, but it can buy you chicken nuggets. Many, many chicken nuggets. I have, in my extensive history of both consuming chicken nuggets and being present in places where other people consume chicken nuggets, have never seen someone miserable whilst eating one.
Does it then follow that chicken nuggets equate to happiness?
The short answer is yes. The longer, more complicated answer is also yes.
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Fortunately, the UK’s first chicken nugget festival is happening this year in London and Manchester in August and September, with more dates set to be announced.
The festival will feature a nugget eating competition – the centrepiece of any important occasion – that will see both a “Nugget King” and a “Nugget Queen” announced – great news for anyone who considers the current monarchy out of touch with modern times or simply “not tasty enough”.
Other than this, there will also be a live band and DJ, presumably for the tiny amount of people who get bored TRYING THE MANY VARIETIES OF NUGGETS. In this writer’s humble opinion, musicians do not belong at a chicken nugget festival, and should be banned for taking up valuable space from the rest of us happy to consume our entire bodyweight in chicken.
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The festival will be hosted by We Love Food and run in Manchester on September 22nd. You’ll be relieved to hear that tickets haven’t been released, but you can pre-register here and follow the event on Facebook.
This could be the UK’s only opportunity to witness a unique moment in human history – a miserable nugget-eater – as the “Nugget King” is announced and the runner-up sits there, slumped over nuggets, drowning in breadcrumbs and tears, inconsolable, his heart aflame with despair, but his stomach… his stomach full of nuggets.
I can’t wait.
