The Daily Mail are beyond parody.
We know that they have turned fear-mongering, xenophobia, sexism, homophobia, creepy child voyeurism, Islamophobia, celebrity titillation, and essentially soft porn with added judgment, into an art form. But on Tuesday, the Daily Mail truly excelled themselves in turning some of those grotesque things up to 11.
In a week when the United Kingdom is expected to trigger Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty, and thus change the way we work, trade, live and legislate forever, Prime Minister Theresa May met with Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon to discuss Brexit and the future of the Union. So of course the Mail’s front page focused on their body parts.
The absolute state of this. What year is it? pic.twitter.com/ZZBsLcpzDI
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) March 27, 2017
But if you thought that was bad – and remember it’s 2017, and not 1967 – then their description of the two world leaders is even worse. ‘Journalist’ Sarah Vine goes into weird and salacious detail about both women’s bodies, and what they’re trying to tell us with their ‘extremities’. It reads like truly awful Mills & Boon. Or Fifty Shades of Fuck Off You Creepy Fucks.
She uses terms like ‘both women consider their pins to be the finest weapon in their physical arsenal’, whilst dropping in loaded words like ‘unsheathed’, ‘demurely’, ‘dominant’, ‘succumb’ and ‘allure’, as if she’s basically trying to help fat old men achieve what viagra could not. It’s the kind of thing you feel sleazy and unwashed after reading.
We also love ‘…what stands out here are the legs – and the vast expanse on show’ – it’s a fucking ‘expanse’ because your pervy photographer crouched down to force the perspective and make the legs a disproportionate element of the image.
And yes, of course the Mail asked a woman to write all this. Their most vile stuff is often scribed by those they aim to belittle and discredit, by way of a disclaimer for their morally bankrupt dross.
Anyway, here’s an extract of what Vine wrote. Prepare to lose your breakfast and faith in journalism:
“But what stands out here are the legs – and the vast expanse on show. There is no doubt that both women consider their pins to be the finest weapon in their physical arsenal. Consequently, both have been unsheathed.
“May’s famously long extremities are demurely arranged in her customary finishing-school stance – knees tightly together, calves at a flattering diagonal, feet neatly aligned. It’s a studied pose that reminds us that for all her confidence, she is ever the vicar’s daughter, always respectful and anxious not to put a foot wrong.
“Sturgeon’s shorter but undeniably more shapely shanks are altogether more flirty, tantalisingly crossed, with the dominant leg pointing towards her audience.
“It’s a direct attempt at seduction: her stiletto is not quite dangling off her foot, but it could be. ‘Come, succumb to my revolutionary allure,’ she seems to be saying. ‘You know you want to.’”
