After being fined $1,000 (£540) this week for attempting to smuggle her dogs into Australia, Amber Heard – and her husband Johnny Depp – have been forced to issue a ~heartfelt~ apology.
Half-serious confession, half-sarcastic performance, the pair were forced to give a video statement about how wonderful a place Australia is, and how deeply, deeply sorry they were for trying to bring Pistol and Boo – two adorable Yorkshire terriers – into the country late last year (that’s the two pooches pictured below with some dog groomers in Australia).
The sycophantic grovelling begins with Heard describing Australia as a “beautiful island” filled with a “treasure trove” of natural wildlife.
Depp adds that it “must be protected” by “strict bioscience regulations.”
It kinda feels like there’s a customs officer out of shot holding a gun at them.
Australia’s deputy prime minister Barnaby Joyce uploaded the video to YouTube personally. The Australian Department of Agriculture and Water Resources issued a brief statement alongside the video, emphasising the need for “honesty at the border”:
“Australia has very strict biosecurity laws to protect the health of our people, animals and plants. Everyone entering the country must truthfully declare if they are carrying any items listed on the Incoming Passenger Card.”
We haven’t heard an apology to Australian officials that insincere since Bart’s “Don’t Tread On Me” moon in The Simpsons.
