Trigger Warning: This article contains references to suicide which some may find disturbing
Two years ago, John Connolly came to the heartbreaking decision to end his life.
After battling with his mental health for years, John drove to Ben A’an in his native Scotland where he planned to take his life.
When he arrived at Ben A’an, John sat in the carpark on his own where he noticed a family in the car opposite.
He explained: “I looked over to them and a child smiled at me and so I smiled back. The two parents nodded at me and I nodded back. And that kinda upset me a wee bit coz [sic] people are out here having a nice wee day out and I know what I’m here for.”
He then explained that he got out of the car and began the ascent up towards the mountaintop but sat down around half way up.
There he continued his debate on wether or not he would ‘do it’ when he saw the family for a second time, saying he now felt “drawn to this family” and was “happy to see them out enjoying themselves”.
Then John climbed the final stretch.
In an interview with JOE, John explained: “It was just a nice day. It was 25 degrees. It was roasting. And I climbed the last final bit and I sat on a rock and I’m delaying. I’m trying to really make sure it’s what I want to do. I’m eating my sandwich and when I finish my sandwich I’m like right, do it.
“And so I stand up. And I feel it in my knees already. My knees started vibrating. They just started shaking. The only way I can explain it is that because I was so numb for so long and everything was rushing coming back to me, it was tricking me into thinking this was the right thing to do.
“It made my mind think ‘you’re right’.”
Then, John revealed how the mother of the family he had been happily observing from a distance before, inadvertently saved his life.
He explained: “The next thing I know is just hearing the woman saying: ‘Excuse me?’.
“At this point I’m not crying or anything. I’m just blank faced. And the woman asked: ‘Can you take a photo of me and my family?’
“That’s when I started to like, not break down, but I started to feel the tears coming. I said: ‘Alright, no problem’, and so I turn around, take the photo, took a couple, and then she looked me dead in the eye and said: ‘Are you okay?’ and I just burst.”
Those three words saved John’s life.
He continued: “I just completely burst. I said ‘yeah I’m okay’, I grabbed my bag, and just went straight down the mountain. I just had that realisation that I had to get myself out of that situation.”
Thankfully John was able to reevaluate his decision and get the help he needed. Now, he shares inspirational videos trying to help others going through the same dilemma he once found himself in.
One of his biggest messages is: “I promise life gets so much f****** better.”
Now that’s a message to live to.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please make use of these critical resources:
- Samaritans – 116 123
- Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – 0800 58 58 58, or use webchat
- Shout Crisis Text Line– Text “SHOUT” to 85258
- NHS – 111
