Nobody is going to mess with you at school if you’re called ‘Killboy Killer’
Naming a child is a huge responsibility. Call your son Hubert and you’re condemning him to a life of bullying, you sick fuck. Call them Reuben, and you’re condemning him to having his name misspelt on birthday cards for the first 25 years of his life. But also, people saying ‘oh what a lovely name’. So, swings and roundabouts init.
But some parents don’t take this responsibility seriously. So much power is in your hands when you name a baby, and that power goes to some people’s heads. They get carried away, and come up with something ridiculous, like ‘Keith’. Or, as some parents in Paraguay did, they call their child ‘Finally Fucking Welcome’.
Really. The Paraguayan Civil Registry has published a list of the rarest names that parents in the country have given to their newborn babies and Jesus Christ, some of these parents need help.
Here are some of the most bizarre names on the list, and some advice for the parents who chose them.
‘Killboy Killer’ – please seek help.
‘Amorcito’, which translates to ‘Sweetie’ – Cute for now, but wait until he gets to school. You cruel, cruel people.
‘Ascesión’ – Yeah, bit weird, but not as harmful as some.
‘Casimiro’ – Big Real Madrid fans, I presume?
‘Exaltación de la Cruz’, which translates to ‘Exaltation of the cross’ – Bit of a mouthful in either language, think of a good nickname.
‘Generosa’, which obviously means ‘Generous’ – what if they turn out to be a selfish prick? Didn’t think of that, did you?
And last but by no means least: ‘Por Fin Bienvenido Carajo’, which means: Finally Fucking Welcome’.
You get the sense this child in particular put his mother through a long, arduous labour and this is the beginning of a very long lasting vendetta against him. All I can say to this kid is, good luck, you’ll need it.
The full list can be seen in the thread of tweets below.
#ATENCIÓN Listado de nombres RAROS que obran en actas del @registrocivilpy:
-KILLBROY KILLER
-ABIMAEL
-ABUNDIO
-ADALGUISA
-ADBINCULO
-AGILEO
-AGRIPINA
-ALARICO
-ALFRODICIO
-AGELBERTO
-AMARU
-AMORCITO (m)
-ANDRONICO
-ANIANO
-ANUNCIACIÓN
-ANUNCIO
-APARICIA
-APOLONIA
-AQUILINA— Registro del Estado Civil (@registrocivilpy) March 21, 2019
