Durnald Tramp
Among countless other things, Donald Trump is a man that frequently struggles with the intricacies of the English language.
Every time he “gives” a “speech”, it is an absolute certainty that the man will produce some of the finest mispronunciation the world has ever seen.
Rather than dwell on the utter turmoil the world has descended into since his inauguration, it’s worth taking a moment to consider one of his other weaknesses: talking.
Herein, I present to you, a brief history of Donald Trump obliterating the English language.
April 4th, 2016
“Tanzaynia”
Undoubtedly a man who was once besotted with Hulkamania, perhaps still at the time of this address, Trump was fantasising about a simpler time, one where a deeply tanned man in a bandana beat the living daylights out of other men in equally ridiculous garments for sport. Between them, Trump and Hulk Hogan could could be plotting the launch of a new franchise, one where they promote heavy tans and secretly fancying their daughters. They shall call it Tanzaynia and it shall be A Great Success™ thanks to this subliminal advertising.
November 8th, 2016
BREAKING: #DonaldTrump doesn't know how to pronounce #Beyonce https://t.co/4KozjlaPQI pic.twitter.com/AWkX5zFKoI
— CONSEQUENCE (@consequence) November 8, 2016
“Beyoncey”
Some of Trump’s mispronunciations can be overlooked, but to come after the Queen like this is a pure heinous act. Everyone knows how to pronounce Beyoncé. It is universally taught from birth. Jay Z can be said with a “zed” or “zee” depending on your place of residence, but Beyoncé is a staple, much like the world’s hatred for this deeply disrespectful man. This is unforgivable. It is disgusting. It is a hate crime. It is wrong. It is bad. In the almost two years since this sickening display took place, has he learned how to say Beyoncé properly? Probably not.
September 21st, 2017
So Donald, is it Nambia, Zambia or Namibia? #respect #commonsense @realDonaldTrump pic.twitter.com/QAnIritevi
— eye in the sky (@alecriddle) September 21, 2017
“Nambia”
Credit where it’s due, it seemed like Côte d’Ivoire would’ve been the most obvious stumble here, but he somehow trudged his way through and tripped over Namibia. A new nation has been christened, which is half Namibia, half Zambia. Its economy shall thrive, its people rejoice and its notoriety soar now that the highly intelligent and cultured President of the United States has drawn the world’s attention to it. Or, he’s a moron who can’t say ‘Namibia’ properly.
October 1st, 2017
“Diversary”
It’s third time lucky for old Trump boy with this one, where he reads the word ‘diversity’ wrong TWICE, then clarifies his intent with a slightly louder voice as he finally reads it correctly. We’re looking at two possible problems here. Is the man illiterate, or is he unaware of what he is saying? But also, if I may pose a third question, does it even matter anymore? His destruction is far beyond obliterating the English language, and yet here we are, still laughing about it because it’s deeply funny and we welcome the brief distraction.
October 6th, 2017
WHY IS HE SO WEIRD pic.twitter.com/jKKr11UStT
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) October 6, 2017
“Pooooooerto Rico”
With the same level of conviction as a friend that’s recently returned from a gap year in “Bar-th-elona”, Trump goes heavy on the pronunciation of Puerto Rico to convince people that he has insider knowledge of the place, something the rest of us could never truly understand. The most satisfying part of this is that legitimate Puerto Ricans don’t pronounce the name of their homeland in a similar manner whatsoever, but perhaps they simply just don’t know their home nation as well as this disgusting orange visitor does. Yes, it is the natives who are wrong.
December 1st, 2017
One fun thing about today is getting to watch @realDonaldTrump find out that we had a President named "Ulysses S. Grant" in real time
cc @KenBurns pic.twitter.com/73IcvOsaY4
— The Gregory Brothers (@gregorybrothers) December 1, 2017
“Ulucious”
Who can forget the 18th President of the United States, Commanding General of the Army, soldier, international statesman and author, Ulysses S. Grant? Donald Trump, that’s who. When you’re a child, pronouncing a name like Ulysses can be tricky to get your head around, but when you reach the ripe old age of 72, it’s likely that you’re going to get that shit locked down, especially when you’re required to say it in front of the literal world. The man is an ignorant clown. He ruined Christmas 2017 for everyone, especially the ghost of Ulysses S. Grant.
December 7th, 2017
“Shtatesh”
Elvis and Sean Connery are cancelled because there’s a new mispronouncer in town and his name is President Donald Trump. Either this gaffe was a nod to his fellow countrymen, or the man simply cannot pronounce the nation of which he is somehow President. The true beauty of this blunder is Mike Pence’s smug face nodding in the background as he fully endorses a man that cannot say ‘United States’. He even ends the speech with “Thank you very much”, thus completing his audition for Michael Bay’s next blockbuster ‘Elvis Presidently’.
September 8th, 2018
What Harry Potter spell is Trump casting here? pic.twitter.com/WqKaRPkgZ9
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) September 8, 2018
“Anomous”
It’s hard to tell if he’s trying to say “enormous” or “anonymous” here, not that it really matters in the grand scheme of things. Trump even stretches out his left hand in an attempt to gain some control over his wayward tongue. Ideally, he fluffs the word a second time, thereby proving that it wasn’t a stutter, rather, that the President of the United States cannot speak English properly, even on his second attempt at a word with the use of a steadying hand. The progression of illiteracy is frightening.
September 25, 2018
Mr #Trump, could you please explain how to create that white noise sound again pic.twitter.com/gPtp7qRECg
— MVZZIK (@mvzzik) September 25, 2018
“Ttttthhhhhhhh”
Like a cat warding off its enemies, this bizarre sound sends a strong message to what Donald Trump has deemed ‘the losers and the haters’. Cats will often hiss to signify that they would no longer like to be petted. Although there is no reliable literature or studies available to verify what it means when the President of the United States hisses at the media, one can assume that it is to let them know that he’s ready to do his toilet business, or to assert dominance over a nearby predator. Either way, what the actual fuck is happening in America right now?
September 26, 2018
“Donald Trump’s very large…a-brain” pic.twitter.com/jFYTs2Xuhk
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) September 26, 2018
“A-brain”
There’s two levels to this particular indiscretion which comes fresh from last night’s press conference. Either Trump is distastefully mocking the Chinese people and their accents, or he simply cannot pronounce a word as simple as ‘brain’. Referring to himself in the third person aside, this is a worryingly insufficient lack of proficiency at speaking his native language. Perhaps if he possessed one, Donald Trump would better understand how to pronounce the word ‘brain’. Over the course of two and a half years, the man has gotten alarmingly worse at speaking English. Something must be done. Perhaps impeachment would help.
**Bonus content**
In the interest of balance, it’s only right that we ensure we’re all on the same page with regards to pronouncing Donald Trump’s name.
Please study the video below to ensure your accuracy. Thank you.
Lead image via YouTube
