JOE’s doing a quiz, JOE’s doing a quiz, everybody quiet ’cause JOE’s doing a quiz
What stage of “lockdown” are we in now? I put that in quote marks because basically nothing is locked down anymore. There are effectively no rules, and if there are rules, they are followed and enforced with all the conviction of that steward outside the old White Hart Lane. In my mind there are five stages of lockdown. First there was ‘Love Is Blind’ lockdown – we all binged this show over the first couple of weeks of working from home. Feels like a long time ago now. I just hope that Barnett and Amber are still happy together.
Then there was Tiger King lockdown when we all suddenly decided to invest eight hours of our time on a show about a zoo owner which, in hindsight, wasn’t that good. How desperate we were for any form of new entertainment?
Then the ‘Bundesliga’ period began in mid-May. The return of football of any kind saw everyone adopt a German team, discover a German grandparent and religiously tune in at 2:30pm every Saturday with a stein of Staropramen until the proper football came back and we all dropped the facade. Then there was the Premier League lockdown phase, when it suddenly dawned on us that having every single match televised in a different time slot is not actually what anyone wants. But it’s on, so we’ll watch it.
We are now in the fifth stage, which began when the pubs opened, Sunak told us all to go out to eat, Boris almost died so told us all to lose weight, and a generation of sixth formers got royally fucked over by an algorithm.
Will anyone resign? Will they fuck. Do the quiz.
