Chelsea legend John Terry joined Aston Villa this week, citing the emotional toll of potentially facing Chelsea twice a season as one of his main reasons for dropping down to the Championship.
Perhaps unbeknownst to Terry, cup competitions exist, meaning that there is every chance that the defender could end up facing his former club at some stage during either the FA Cup or the EFL Cup.
— JOE (@JOE_co_uk) July 3, 2017
With that in mind, here are five things that are certain to happen if Terry faces Chelsea in a cup this coming season.
1. Commentator to spend entire game fawning over Terry
This is just a guarantee. If BJT (Brave John Terry) does return to Stamford Bridge with Villa, the commentator will spend almost the entire game attempting to pull at the heart strings of Chelsea fans watching on television.
Prior to the start of the match, the man on the mic will mention how strange it must feel for Terry to be in the away dressing room, before praising the warm welcome he received.
Eventually, it will devolve into little more than the commentator reading out a condensed version of Terry’s Wikipedia page in a futile attempt to add more meaning to the game than actually exists.
In the end, he will praise Terry for making it through the game in such a professional fashion, and you will want to smash your television.
2. A minute’s applause on the 26th minute
This one is another certainty. Just after the quarter mark of the match, Chelsea fans will show their reverence for Mr. Chelsea by spending the entirety of the 26th minute engaging in full-stadium applause.
While not quite as bad as being substituted at the same point in his final game for the club, Terry will likely expect the game be at least slowed during this applause while he soaks up the love and applauds back.
3. Banners, possibly edited to include the word “Villain”
London’s banner printing industry will have a busy week ahead of this match-up, with hundreds and possibly thousands of fans printing banners for their prodigal son.
These banners will feature Terry’s face, naturally, as well as messages including “Welcome Home JT” and slogans such as “Captain, Leader, Legend” and, quite possibly, “Captain, Leader, Villain” in honour of his new club.
At the end of the game, Terry will most likely walk over to a fan near the sideline, who will then hand him their banner. He will then drape it over his shoulders and blow kisses to the crowd.
4. Terry to use sleeve to wipe away tears despite not actually crying
Whether at the beginning, middle or end of the match, this one is nailed on. At some point, potentially during the minute’s applause or perhaps during a personalised chant, Terry will reach down to the cuff of his sleeve and pull it up to wipe away a tear.
Never mind that he won’t actually be crying, this action will show once and for all that Terry truly is a man of Chelsea. It may also convince the public that he is someone possessing a heart. Maybe.
5. Extremely obvious non-celebration and customary lowering of the head if Villa win or score
To be honest, these are all guaranteed. This one more than most. I am so confident of this happening that if it doesn’t I will not only eat my hat, I will marry it.
If, somehow, Aston Villa score or win against Chelsea, Terry will go out of his way to show that he has not celebrated. This will include lowering his chin to his chest and closing his eyes.
God forbid Terry scores himself, he could go so far as to stretch out his arms to ask for space from his teammates, before apologising to the crowd and finally pulling up the neck of his jersey over his head so as to hide his shame. Like a true hero does.
