If football clubs were nations of the world, who would they be?

One is a big game, full of rival entities looking to attack and overtake each other. The other is football.

The biggest and most popular football clubs in the world transcend nationality and borders in their appeal. You’re as likely to bump into a Liverpool fan in Cape Town as you are in Croxteth. Similarly, Manchester United can count on support from Salford to Sydney.

But if our sides were sovereign states, which ones would they be? What happens when you combine clubs and countries and look for the best match in each case? Does it matter? Possibly not. But here at JOE we’re risking an international incident by mapping football to flags.

Let the breakdown in global diplomacy begin…

Manchester United – USA

A pretty obvious one to kick off with. One of the greatest superpowers of the twentieth century is not what it once was. Still an absolute behemoth of course, but the natives are restless as they see their real world influence shrink by the day. In fact, they’re even willing to allow a dangerous egomaniac to take over to encourage a return to attacking ways.

Liverpool – Canada

Another great player on the international stage that hasn’t really punched its weight for a while. For too long they’ve just kind of been there, a key member at the top table without any real impact. But recently they’ve installed an enigmatic new leader who has charmed and captivated the world. He is intent on succeeding and looking good doing it.

Manchester City – China

A relatively new economic power, but their people are always keen to stress a proud and ancient tradition. Still, their modern renaissance is very much fuelled by immense wealth, and the fear amongst their main rivals is that they could run away with things in the near future. Still, the outside world continues to mock them occasionally for noticeable population issues.

Tottenham Hotspur – India

They have few rivals when it comes to history and culture, but for so long a combination of circumstances and terrible mismanagement kept them down. So much so that their finest talents were often forced to leave and fulfil their potential elsewhere. But a period of rapid development has seen all that change. Now their potential is frightening and anything is possible.

Arsenal – United Kingdom

There was a time when they reigned supreme and had no equal, and perhaps as a result there is a compulsion to hark back to when they were still invincible. But things change and it’s not always obvious where they belong in the new world order. Natives bicker about whether their ruler is simply a relic of a bygone era, whilst their future in Europe remains in doubt.

Chelsea – Russia

No one likes them, and they don’t care. Those elected to manage are mere pawns as everyone knows who’s really in charge. Temporary incumbents arrive and then mysteriously disappear under a supreme leader who controls everything with ruthless efficiency. Many see them as ‘new money’ and hope for their demise, but they’re going nowhere and remain an unpredictable threat.

Leicester City – Republic of Ireland

Funny how things change. It wasn’t long ago that they were ignored and even reviled by outsiders. But these days they punch far above their weight and everyone seems to love them. In fact it’s embarrassing how everyone now claims some form of allegiance to them. Of course they still harbour the odd bigot, but they’re mostly great and it’s bloody impressive they even exist.