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Sport

15th Jul 2015

The 5 types of fantasy football player

Which one of these are you?

Tom Victor

It’s been a long wait, but fantasy football is back.

No doubt you’ve identified your key players, chosen your team name and picked your starting XI and subs.

Now comes the important part – working out which one of the five types of fantasy football player you are.

Billy Big-Balls

We’ve all got a mate who’s as enthusiastic as they come. They’ll talk about nothing but fantasy league prices for weeks on end and watch all the pre-season friendlies to get a feel for who’s going to start the first game of the season.

Then by September they’ll be bemoaning their luck after three players pick up injuries and their gamble on Swansea’s young full-back didn’t pay off.

By October they’ll have a new hobby, perhaps a niche South American league they’re putting bets on. By December, a new sport.

The Obsessive

You’ll quickly learn not to go to the pub with this person on a Thursday or Friday night. You’ll have downed your first pint and they’ll have taken just a couple of sips as they work through the latest spreadsheet on their laptop.

But they’re not finishing off school work – they’re calculating the optimal fantasy league strategy for the next month.

How dare you not know that Romelu Lukaku has a great scoring record against West Ham, or that Leicester have a double gameweek coming up in three weeks’ time. It’s as if you’re not even trying to win.

The Club Loyalist

Harry Kane might be scoring week after week but the Club Loyalist still has Graziano Pellè up front. Why’s that? “I’m an Arsenal fan, I can’t have any Spurs players”.

We’re not ones to pass judgement here at JOE Towers, but they’re always Arsenal or Spurs supporters, without exception.

Most of them still hold grudges about Sol Campbell or Samir Nasri, and have at least thought about burning a personalised shirt after their former hero left the club. Ok, not most, all.

The Anti-Loyalist

Inevitably a pessimistic fan of a mid or lower table team, they’ll make a point to almost never pick anyone from their own team so as not to jinx them.

What’s more, they’ll quietly celebrate goals against their team if the scorer has earned them a few extra points. Hell, they’ll even rewind Sky Sports to see if the guy in their fantasy league team got assist points for the corner.

The Know-it-all

Most of us look at the bonus points as a nice little surprise at the end of the weekend. Surely no one takes issue with that tiny aspect of the game? Wrong.

“Sure, Rooney scored twice but Herrera had 95% pass completion and three out of four completed take-ons”.

“I don’t care, mate, I don’t even know you. Now do you want fries with that or not?”

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