Love Island, eh? Like it or loathe it, it’s been pretty much impossible to escape talk of it over the last couple of weeks. Especially with not as much televised football on offer to occupy our tiny minds.
The idea behind the ITV2 show is simple enough: Take a group of single girls and a group of single boys, stick them in a Spanish villa together and wait for them to start arguing and having sex. A bit like Lord of the Flies but with more sex and less killing people and worshipping of pig heads. Reality TV gold, we’re sure you agree.
If you’ve watched the show regularly enough to become familiar with its male contestants, you probably haven’t spent too much time pondering what kind of professional footballer each of them would make. Fortunately for you, one man has done exactly this… and it’s quite brilliant.
Adam Hurrey (get following on Twitter if you’re not already doing so) is that man.
On Friday evening, he started by sharing a brief summary of Jonny’s imagined football career, describing him as a ‘journeyman third-choice keeper,’ who has still managed to collect more caps for England’s U21s than he has appearances in the English top flight.
Next up was Kem. Despite starting at West Ham, we learn that a mysterious preseason ‘incident’ sees him drop to non-league football with the R. Kelly-singing Billericay Town. Damn shame. What a waste.
Thirdly, we discover that Marcel would’ve been a prolific scorer in both League One and international football had he not embarked on his Blazin’ Squad adventure.
Sam’s footballing talents would’ve been enough for him to breakthrough at Bolton before he’d even left school.
Chris, however, has had to take a very different route after injury cut his playing days short. Good luck to him though.
As for Dom, he’s a versatile Dutch defender that’s destined to never make that big money move to the Premier League.
Finally, there’s Simon, who is a French centre-half who joins Chelsea. Twice.
As the number of retweets suggests, the thread amused plenty of people. If you’re anything like us, you’ll probably not be able to think of anything else the next time it’s on the telly.
