1. How do you sell a deaf man a chicken? *leans in close* YOU WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?
Submitted to Reddit by IBLEEDBACON
2. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.
Submitted to Reddit by thebendavis
3. I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Submitted to Reddit by tricky3737
4. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
Submitted to Reddit by Hobby_Man
5. What’s green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Submitted to Reddit by [deleted]
6. I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Originally by Tim Vine. Submitted to Reddit by smoakwave
7. I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they’ll be tied together. I shit you knot.
Submitted to Reddit by smoakwave
8. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
Submitted to Reddit by [deleted]
9. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels.
Submitted to Reddit by prettyfacebasketcase
10. My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
Submitted to Reddit by coolislandbreeze
11. What’s Harry Potter’s favourite method of getting down a hill? Walking… JK, Rolling.
Submitted to Reddit by cyypherr
12. What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Submitted to Reddit by kaberr12
13. What has two legs and bleeds? Half a cat.
Submitted to Reddit by gildedwhiskey
14. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
Submitted to Reddit by RogueLieutenant
15. What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!!!!
Submitted to Reddit by TheAlmostHomeless
16. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Submitted to Reddit by thisisthelast
17. Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
18. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Submitted to Reddit by I_DRINK_BABYOIL
19. And so the Lord said unto John, “Come forth; and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Submitted to Reddit by Musty__Elbow
20. I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: “Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?”
Submitted to Reddit by 1000-screaming-bees
21. What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he’s not coming.
Submitted to Reddit by dendawg
Sorry, everyone. Sorry about that.
Catch up with the latest episode of Football Friday Live:
