Sergio Aguero.
Nah, we are not buying it, Jose. No matter how hard you try to sell it.
Sure, you would like to have the little Argentinian goal machine in your Manchester United side, but you cannot possibly believe Manchester City will sell him to their noise-complaint making neighbours.
A 28-year-old who has scored 120 goals in 178 Premier League appearances is always going to be of interest, but why not put in a cheeky bid for Philippe Coutinho and Eden Hazard while you are at it?
You are the manager of Manchester United, the abrasive manager of Manchester United, and you are supposedly trying to buy Sergio Aguero from your city rivals – a club with more money than most modern European democracies.
You cannot do a reverse Tevez, not now. City have too much money and too little motivation to sell the 2015 Golden Boot winner to their league rivals from across the city.
But you are a smart man and you know this. We think this story, in today’s Sunday Times, might have more to do with this…
We are not going to talk about that thing that you are famous for, that thing that rhymes with “pined maims”, but you are one of football’s great pisstakers – a man who who strolls into the Nou Camp as Internazionale manager ahead of a Champions League tie and tell Barcelona that they are “obsessed with Real Madrid”.
You tried to wrestle Steven Gerrard away from Liverpool when you were at Chelsea and you called Arsene Wenger a specialist in failure… you are a chancer.
So, leak to the press that you would like to sign your rival’s unsettled striker to see if it has any impact on a City side beginning to click as the race for the top four reaches the pointy end.
So, leak to the press that you would like to sign your rival’s unsettled striker to distract from an underwhelming first Premier League season with the world’s most expensively assembled squad.
So, leak to the press that you would like to sign your rival’s unsettled striker on the off chance it lights a fire under the decidedly indifferent Antoine Griezmann.
So, leak to the press that you would like to sign your rival’s unsettled striker to twists the tits of Guardiola.
So, leak to the press that you would like to sign your rival’s unsettled striker for shits and giggles.
So, leak to the press that you would like to sign your rival’s unsettled striker because you are Jose Mourinho.
