Episode 4 – Stadium Sales.
Once again we saw the hopefuls tasked with something relatively simple that they somehow managed to make an unnecessary mess of.
Tensions were running high with the girls unable to cease their arguing for a solid minute and the boys unable to quench their insufferable thirst for banter.
Thankfully, this episode was filled with an abundance of cringe, which I will now detail below.
1. Harrison wore his towel uncomfortably high
He was running down the stairs giddy as a child on Christmas morning, except his bundle of presents turned out to be finding out where their task would take place on this particular day. Truly the greatest gift of all. Most importantly, the entire scene was ruined by how high Harrison had his towel hoisted up. It’s miles above his bellybutton, verging on boob territory. Fire him immediately, this is no way to conduct business when you get out of the shower.
2. Bushra doesn’t drink so, naturally, Siobhán put her in charge of the alcohol budget
They were in the kitchen picking what food they’d like to serve their guests, when Siobhán made the ingenious decision to appoint a woman who doesn’t drink as head of the alcohol budget. The rest of the team was stunned, along with the kitchen workers who stood idly by. Settling in comfortably to her new role as chief alcohol orderer, Bushra queried as to how many glasses of wine can be derived from one bottle and a member of the kitchen staff rolled his eyes back so far they caught a glimpse of his own butthole. Glorious.
3. They auditioned the greatest magician in the world, but sadly couldn’t afford him
£750 for half an hour? Is he going to magic himself into David Blaine for that price? The guys saw one trick from this guy, which consisted of him lifting a table seemingly by the cloth resting on it. The boys were suitably wowed, but knew they couldn’t afford David Copperfail, who had wiggle room of precisely £50. It was a crying shame because that table lifting piece would’ve really topped off what was sure to be a spectacular day for all involved.
4. Harrison reluctantly agreed to sing at the event
With all the persuasion taking approximately half a second, Harrison was on board to showcase his singing talents at the ripe price of £0. He failed to view it as anything other than exposure, even when his teammates literally said they were thrilled they could tick that off the list and avoid spending any money. In a reactionary piece to camera, Harrison confessed that he’s only ever sang to himself in the shower, which is sufficiently tragic and thus qualifies him as a suitable entertainer for Wembley Stadium during the FA Cup Final.
5. Andrew, in convincing Sarah to be on the corporate side, said “You keep yourself really well”
Is this the most uncomfortable comment that has ever been made on The Apprentice? Tragically, probably not. As the group was dividing up who should stay in the corporate box and who should be out selling, Michaela suggested that Sarah would make a good sales rep given her previous track record. Andrew, to back up his decision to keep her on the corporate side, legitimately said that she keeps herself really well and then gestured his hand from high to low. Truly, this show is televisual gold.
6. Andrew’s team put on a spread of Wotsits and nuts as nibbles for their corporate guests
Honestly, a more pathetic table of nibbles does not exist. One of the teams drastically underbought food and drink for their corporate guests, who were planning to spend six hours in a small room whilst the FA Cup Final took place. The team’s unbridled optimism at how they’d somehow managed to successfully skimp on their guests was hilarious to watch unfold. Witnessing the smug smiles of hopeful businessmen who believe they’re about to pull off a masterful stroke as they tip bags upon bags of Wotsits into paper bowls is nothing short of magic.
7. Sajan willingly dressed up as a bag of popcorn without any persuasion
Personally, I have never been on the fence about buying popcorn, then saw a person dressed as a box of popcorn and reached sudden clarity as to my inner desire to have some. Perhaps I am the one true marketing exception left in the world, or maybe this year’s candidates are simply morons. Sajan put that popcorn suit on quicker than anyone has ever done before, with a fit so crisp it’s likely that he’d previously tried it on and maybe even had it altered for a more snug fit. Quick question: What on earth is this show?
8. They served a pregnant woman a champagne glass with tap water in it
Having been previously warned that there would be a pregnant guest attending the function, the team decided to take that vital information and forget it immediately. Inevitably, the lady arrived with child and was understandably wondering what her beverage options would be. Her mind was soon put at ease when she was served a champagne flute full to the brim with tap water. When her boss inquired about any alternatives, she was met with an apology, so produced a half-empty bottle of luminous pink stuff with which she generously topped up the glass.
9. Siobhán tried to dodge Elizabeth’s goodbye hug and it was glorious
*Spoiler alert* Siobhán was sent packing because she was the worst of a bad bunch. Rather than cordially shaking the hands of her former teammates, Siobhán dramatically attempted to refuse Elizabeth’s advances of a parting hug. Regardless, Elizabeth ploughed on with her display of affection, much to Siobhán’s dismay. It was incredible to watch as Siobhán initially shook her head as the hug commenced, then retracted her entire body to prove that she was not happy with this encounter. The Apprentice is the best show on television and I am willing to go to battle over this statement.
All images via BBC
