Week 11 – The Interviews.
Ten weeks we’ve waited for the interviews episode, which is internationally recognised as an official blood sport. Finally, it delivered everything we’d hoped for and more.
James, Sarah, Joanna, Michaela and Elizabeth put the finishing touches on their business plans, then confidently headed to their interviews like pigs to the slaughter.
It was a savage episode, complete with an abundance of discomfort.
Here’s eight of the cringest moments we were lucky enough to get to witness.
1. Michaela and James tried to injure each other by playing tennis
If you’re going to eliminate your competition on The Apprentice, there are easier ways than trying to induce death by tennis. James and Michaela were doing their best to seriously injure each other by playing a very aggressive game of tennis, while the other candidates were inside the house being somewhat professional during their downtime. Joanna was putting on makeup, Sarah was making tea and Elizabeth was eating toast. Neither Michaela nor James successfully killed the other during this heated match, but they both looked deeply cringe in their efforts.
2. James’ debuted his new downtime hairstyle
Last week’s modelling debut complete with a curtain hairstyle seems to have been a pivotal moment in the life of James White, who has given his image a complete overhaul. The businessman, in his downtime, looks like a member of a One Direction tribute band who’s on Come Dine With Me to raise his band’s profile, but also to show off how well he’s conquered his mum’s vegetarian lasagne cooking process. He’s wearing a hoodie, ffs. Lord Sugar cannot give this man £250k. This kind of casual hairstyle cannot be rewarded.
3. Elizabeth propositioned Lord Sugar
She was delivering a piece to camera, recalling how Lord Sugar has kept her from being fired on several occasions. Elizabeth said that he gave her “a cheeky smile” during her most recent boardroom saving, so decided that she would bring him back that cheeky smile and say “come on, let’s take it a bit further”. Immediately after this bout of word vomit, Elizabeth realised the error of her ways and seemed genuinely mortified. Sure, we can let it slide, but we’ll never forget.
4. Someone reviewed Elizabeth’s business online and called her “angry and shouty”
One of the interviewers did a stellar job of digging up some dirt on Elizabeth, where he uncovered her online business reviews. Someone called her “angry and shouty” and another reviewer said “avoid like the plague”. Elizabeth obviously disagreed with the reviews, which shocked the interviewer, proving that he clearly hasn’t been watching the show over the past ten weeks. Of course Elizabeth disagrees, she is angry and shouty. Also, she should be avoided like the plague.
5. Michaela started her first interview with this expression
Everyone knows that first impressions are vital. Everyone, that is, except Michaela Wain. She sauntered into the office with her hair fashioned in what I can only describe as a weekend look. Michaela then plonked herself into the expensive leather chair, sat opposite her interviewer and offered up the above face. It’s a flawless facial expression, however probably not best used in a situation where you’re trying to convince someone to convince Lord Sugar on your behalf to give you £250k.
6. Sarah described her product as unique and was then shown two identical offerings from her competitors
Last night’s episode should’ve been renamed ‘Absolute Savagery’, because that’s exactly what ensued. The interviewers (or the show’s production team) had really done their research and the fruits of their labour were a joy to behold. They dug up more dirt than an archaeological excavation, landing the candidates with questions they genuinely couldn’t answer. If you’ve ever had a bad job interview, I highly recommend rewatching last night’s episode for comfort. Nothing so savage has ever blessed our screens before.
7. Karren said that Joanna had style, then Claude piped up with “So do I”
The interviewers all gathered in the boardroom to have a good bitching and snitching session with Lord Sugar. During their discussion about Joanna, Karren admitted that she definitely has style, at which point Claude saw and grabbed the opportunity of a lifetime to make a #BusinessJoke. They all laughed at what was a very mediocre expression of humour, which further reinforced the belief that corporate people have absolutely no banter whatsoever.
8. Michaela denied Lord Sugar ‘mates rates’ when he potentially does business with her in the future
It was the fitting conclusion many of us needed for the mammoth contestant of The Apprentice 2017 that was Michaela ‘Bold Glasses Choice’ Wain. She finished in a very respectable third place, with Lord Sugar promising he’d consult her business for finding building tradesmen on his next project. Rather than respectfully thank him, she informed Lord Sugar that there won’t be any “mates rates”, in what is sure to be the sickest burn The Apprentice boardroom sees for quite some time. Farewell Michaela, you were a trooper. Gone, but not forgotten x
Images via BBC
