Almost as though he hacked his phone or something.
Today on Good Morning Britain an extremely unfortunate thing happened to Piers Morgan. An extremely unfortunate thing indeed. A person given the lower-third title of  “considered to be one of the world’s greatest mentalists” came on the show and guessed his PIN number. And then he pulled this face.
Do you know what that face is? That face is the face you pull when hold the door open for someone and they don’t say thank you. Or when someone takes their shoes and socks off in public. This is exactly that face. The absolute fury building inside you to the extent that you can’t stop it from slowly dropping one side of your mouth lower than the other and turning you slightly purple.
This is the face of a man who has just seen someone jump the queue in front of him in Pret and will respond by just standing exactly like still for ten minutes, looking everyone in the eye, huffing, rolling his eyes, pulling this expression some more, and then eventually having a go at the staff behind the counter after the actual culprit has left. Piers Morgan definitely does this. I bet my life on it. Just because he has had to wait an extra minute for his mocha.
Anyway, on a typically nuanced segment of morning television, a mind-reader came on and spoke about being a mentalist, which is the actual term, apparently. I thought that was just the word you used to describe erratic defensive midfielders like Nigel De Jong, but what do I know? The man, very appropriately named Lior Suchard, came on the show and explained the three key ingredients to being telepathic.
“A mentalist uses three techniques,” he explained, “real mind-reading, real mind-influencing, and bullshit. That’s all.”
He then had to apologise for swearing live on air, saying “I’m sorry for that. I’m not from here, I didn’t know so I’m sorry”.
Hold on. Hold on just a second mate. I thought you could read minds?
He then asked Piers to count to 10, and presumably by analysing the register of his voice when he said certain numbers, or perhaps just by guessing, he managed to write down the first three numbers of his PIN. Again, this is how Piers responded.
Disappointingly the final digit wasn’t revealed, for obvious reasons. “I want him detained. I don’t want him anywhere near my pin code. Oh my god”, Piers said, only semi-jokingly, after his face returned to its normal gooey default setting.
“I just need your bank information” Lior responded, absolutely not jokingly at all. Again, mate, I thought you could read minds. Rob the man blind please.
The entire segment was worth it though despite the inevitably anti-climactic conclusion, if only for the fact that it made Piers Morgan pull a face like someone had just farted in an elevator. They say a picture paints us a thousand words. This one paints just one, in big, bold letters. JOY.
