Predictions, am I right?
GBBO returns tonight, which will go a long way in filling the irreparable hole left by Love Island.
The show follows the same format each year, meaning we’re in a position where we can pretty much predict the usual pattern of proceedings that will ensue.
Having already figured out who’s going to win, it’s now time to predict some inevitable GBBO occurrences from the new series.
Here’s 21 things that are going to happen during this series of GBBO, guaranteed.
1. Noel Fielding is going to wear a jazzy blouse and it will contain a variety of food items in the pattern. Someone will Photoshop it and gain instant meme God status..
2. Paul Hollywood is going to refuse to shake one of the contestants’ hands, instead settling for a brief wink and a nod.
3. One of the contestants will drop their baked item on the floor, then cry about it but somehow reassemble it in time for the judges without a trace of the mishap remaining.
4. The tent will be very hot and everything will melt, including Hollywood’s tan.
5. A technical challenge will be something nobody has heard of before. The internet will be momentarily outraged, then move on.
6. Someone will forget to turn on their oven and in a fit of rage, attempt to breathe really hot air onto the uncooked mixture in a bid to bake it.
7. Paul Hollywood is going to make some kind of sexual remark about the intricacies of baking bread.
8. One of the contestants will let slip that they miss Mel, Sue and Mary Berry, but it will be edited out so you just have to take my word that it’ll happen.
9. A shelf in the fridge will collapse, reminiscent of Britain’s economic strength without the EU.
10. Sandi will taste someone’s baked goods but it will be from their judging pile and she will apologise profusely, then leave the contestant to present their work with a bite missing out of one.
11. Someone will bake a magnificent sculpture which will gain instant worldwide fame, notoriety and meme status.
12. Two of the contestants will become close friends and the nation will ship them harder than the Titanic’s maiden voyage.
13. An incredibly posh contestant will be so fascinatingly posh, they’ll gain an honorary doctorate from Cambridge by the end of the series.
14. An unsavoury series of images will emerge of one of the contestants in compromising positions with a variety of baked goods, prior to their GBBO appearance.
15. A style icon will emerge. He/she will secure a brand deal after the show ends and put their children through college with their sweet sweet #sponcon earnings.
16. Alcohol will play a major role in swaying Prue’s opinion on whether or not something is “a good bake”.
17. There will be a mixup in the kitchen which sees one contestant “accidentally” using anothers’ ingredients.
18. Star baker will go to a completely undeserving baker and the entire country will stage a riot.
19. Noel Fielding will climb inside a kitchen appliance, possibly a refrigerator but an oven isn’t being ruled out either, and get stuck inside for three days.
20. Someone (a moron) will use salt instead of sugar, but won’t realise it until the judges taste their bake.
21. A desperate contestant will flirt with Paul Hollywood in a bid to progress to the next round. Tragically, it won’t work.
