Day 19
How do you know if someone doesn’t watch Love Island? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
RIP Danwande, we barely knew ye x
Last night’s show was a tough one to stomach as we had to say goodbye to Queen Yewande, paving the way for Arabella, a girl who is yet to say anything of substance other than repeatedly asking Danny, “So what about you and Yewande?”.
Elsewhere, Maura made Tom grovel for his previous indiscretions, providing some much-needed comedy relief that this series is severely lacking. She is now the sole recipient of the June 2019 licence fee and it’s a well-deserved stipend.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island, you big idiot.
1. Michael just about burst a blood vessel trying to let Tom know that Maura was eavesdropping on their conversation
While the boys were continuing to dig their respective graves and push feminism back 80 years, Maura was eavesdropping outside the bedroom door. It was a sneaky move, but also a necessary one to gauge the level of “banter” that had led to Tom’s disrespectful comment. Michael somehow twigged that Maura was outside the door, which instigated the greatest mime scene we’ve seen on our television screens since that mime was on Britain’s Got Talent. He widened his eyes, flapped his arms, aggressively pointed, mouthed ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP’ and tried any means necessary to get a deeply-oblivious Tom’s attention. Did it work? No. Tom is a buffoon. But at least we know that Michael has a promising career as a Mum at church when he leaves the villa.
2. We finally got to see the villa’s outside toilet
Quick to escape getting caught earwigging, Maura legged it outside the villa when she heard Tom coming. She went out through the permanently-open door which for some reason hasn’t resulted in the villa being burgled yet, then took a left to reach a previously unseen area. With the presence of a shiny bucket, it became abundantly clear what this part of the villa is used for. It’s the outside toilet! This is where any one of the 15 islanders goes for a wee or poo when the one singular toilet upstairs is in use. Whose job is it to empty the bucket? Probably Caroline Flack. Does she get a curly blow dry and spray tan for the occasion, using the path as her own personal fashion runway? All signs point to yes.
3. Fittingly, Tom went to bed in what appeared to be a coffin after his argument with Maura
Having successfully made his bed, Tom then proceeded to lie in it after his and Maura’s explosive encounter during last night’s Love Island. He made one final last-ditch attempt to clear the air as he waddled half-naked to his bedding area, but Maura remained indifferent to his grovelling. With that, the lights went out and Tom assumed a coffin-like sleeping position, in a coffin-like arrangement, presumably thinking that death would be a far easier choice than getting Maura to forgive him. This has sparked an interesting discussion in my head. Should the Love Island contestants have to sleep in coffins when they wrong each other? Furthermore, should they get the death penalty for being too boring? Really gives us all something to think about.
4. Arabella’s tattoo predicted who would be going home during the re-coupling ceremony
You’re trying to tell me that it’s a total coincidence that Arabella has a four-leaf clover tattoo? And the person she basically forced into being sent home was Yewande, an Irish girl? Seems a little spicy to me. Awfully spicy indeed. She landed on that island and as soon as it was wheels down, she made a beeline for Yewande’s man. Now she has won. She successfully procured Danny and he will remain faithful to her until such time as either of them gets distracted by an even taller model arriving into the villa. Arabella clearly has beef with the Irish and that’s something that will come to light during her time on Love Island. She’ll refuse potatoes at lunch, groan when Enya comes on on the party playlist, even diss Jedward when they come up in conversation. You’ve made some powerful enemies, Arabella. 800 years, etc.
5. Yewande’s hand turned into a foot overnight
Finally Danny’s decision began to take shape after seeing Arabella’s tattoo and then Yewande’s affliction during yesterday’s show. She was lounging about the garden and folded her arms, revealing that one of her hands had turned into a foot. Now, it’s a nice foot, complete with white nail polish and a professional finish, but it’s just not a hand. Danny famously likes his girls to have two hands and two feet, which made his re-coupling decision pretty easy in the end. Yewande sprouted a third foot overnight, replacing her second hand. This is chaos in Danny’s eyes. He cannot love a girl who has to specially order three shoes and one glove online. Big ups to Love Island for yet again giving us unrealistic expectations of the human form. Classic.
6. Yewande had already separated her hand luggage liquids for ease of travel so that she could get the hell out of Marbella as soon as possible
Savvy Yewande went to university at 16. She is a scientist and very probably a genius, so it made perfect sense that she had long separated her hand luggage liquids before even leaving the Love Island villa. The girl wants to go home and it’s hard to argue with her wishes. This clever move will cut her airport security check time in half. Furthermore, she has evidently remembered to pack her water bottle, which is an economic move. A Love Island personalised water bottle costs £15 with £8.40 delivery charge to Ireland. That’s £23.40 / €26.19 Yewande would have to fork out for a hydration vessel should she haphazardly leave hers behind in the villa. The girl is a hustler and we simply have to stan. May the road rise to meet you, Yewande.
Images via ITV
