Day 25
Love Island is the most gripping television series of all time. Do not @ me.
Bloody kicked off last night though, didn’t it? Goodness me, finally we got the level of drama we’ve so desperately been craving for four weeks and it was delicious.
The re-coupling ceremony was carnage from start to finish, made all the more enjoyable by Tommy’s decision to clutch a stuffed elephant named Ellie Belly throughout.
There were tears of joy, tears of sadness and tiers of cake running through Amy’s mind as she planned her and Curtis’ future wedding which is never going to happen.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island.
1. Although in Casa Amor, Molly-Mae continued to sleep beside a dumbbellÂ
Do you get it? Do you get the joke? Let me explain why this is funny. Tommy Fury is a little bit dumb, not in nasty way, more of an ‘invents words like chivey and can’t make a cup of peppermint tea’ kind of way. Anyway, he and Molly-Mae have been apart for a couple of days now, which means both were relegated to the outdoor beds in their respective villas. Molly-Mae nestled in beside the gym equipment in Casa Amor, which included a hefty dumbbell. In a way, she has grown familiar with sleeping beside a dumbbell because she is coupled up with Tommy Fury. That’s it. That is the joke. Look, we’re four weeks in. Not a lot happens anymore.
2. Exciting news! The annual hot air balloon contra deal came through
As is a staple of every Love Island series, the nation’s favourite couple will be going on a hot air balloon ride in the coming weeks. In all likelihood, it will be Tommy Fury and Molly-Mae because the thoughts of Tommy trying to elegantly slip his gigantic torso into a floating basket is hilarious already. With any big television production, it’s a financial nightmare trying to stick to budgetary requirements. So naturally, contra comes into play. With last night’s gratuitous shot of some hot air balloons silently bobbing in the sky over Mallorca, the downpayment was made on the annual hot air balloon date. 2 seconds of hot air balloon footage = 1 free ride for two islanders. This is all the confirmation we need. It’s happening. Chalk it down. Job’s a good’un.
3. Thomas Fury became a father for the first time
“I just want me girl back because me son’s missing her mum as well”, said Thomas Fury, which either made little sense in terms of pronouns or perhaps he is far more woke than we ever imagined and has worded this sentiment to highlight that gender is merely a social construct. Either way, Tommy Fury has adopted Ellie Belly. “Hopefully mummy comes back and she reunites the whole family”, added Tommy, who is now a big old softie and proud father of one green and purple elephant. Something truly beautiful has happened in that godforsaken villa. A perceived hard man has proven himself to be sensitive and lovestruck. He might never win a boxing match again, but at least he has the support of the nation in all his future endeavours.
4. Curtis’ hat tried to subliminally urge Michael into doing the right thing
Although they were sitting poolside with their toes underwater and Curtis was telling Michael everything that he wanted to hear regarding choosing Joanna over Amber, Curtis’ hat told a different story. ‘Be nice’, was the message ironically being shared between the two guys who truly ruined everything during last night’s Love Island. Not only did Michael ignore this precursor for the evening’s events, he did the exact opposite and was a complete dick in his re-coupling speech. Similarly, Curtis failed to take his own advice and committed the snakiest act in quite some time in that villa by choosing Amy after it became apparent that Jourdan wasn’t interested in him. Had these two boys simply been nice, Britain would feel a stronger sense of ease today, instead, it is the usual mix of dread and disappointment with the state of the world today.
5. Danny decided to dress like Fillmore! for the big night in
This comparison only really works if you remember Fillmore!, the animated series about a reformed juvenile delinquent called Cornelius Fillmore. He was caught raiding the school’s chalk shipment and in an entirely standard sequence of events, was given a choice by the safety patrol officer about whether he would either spend the rest of school life in detention or help him in solving another case. You can guess what happened from there, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that Danny looked exactly like Fillmore during last night’s Love Island. What would Danny get in trouble for stealing at school? The hearts of his classmates, only to then rip them up into a million tiny pieces thereby destroying everything? Excellent answer. You are correct.
6. The islanders revealed that they would all be extremely shit at playing poker
Last night’s episode was fairly predictable, but only for the viewers. We got to see the islanders experience learning about each others’ stupidity first hand. Predictably, Danny coupled up with a new girl. Curtis was incredibly shady in sticking with Amy, but the absolute moment of the series came when Michael justified his reasoning for picking Joanna. Not only did he body Amber in the explanation, he also presented the news freshly to the girls that had been in Casa Amor all along. Their faces couldn’t hide the rage burning deep inside. Even Anton, who knew what was going to happen all along, couldn’t contain his shock at Michael’s decision. From last night’s events, we learned two important lessons. Firstly, this is the greatest television series ever made. Secondly, none of the islanders can ever play poker in a competitive situation.
Images via ITV
