Day 27
Just another classic night in that pesky Love Island villa, wasn’t it?
Yet again the show comprised of two separate arguments dominating all talking points, leaving room for very little excitement in other departments, namely, there was no banter.
Still, it was fun to see Curtis continue to dig a sizeable hole for himself while simultaneous trying to fill it with lies and pensive looks. Amy schooled us all on the correct way to win an argument (with the notes app) and Tommy Fury continued to be the most precious man in Britain.
We even had a bit of on-screen *~relations~* for the first time this year, which was much-needed after the intensity of previous episodes.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island.
1. Amy took diligent notes in preparation for her chat with Curtis
While chatting with Jourdan about her involvement with Curtis, Amy took notes on her not an iPhone, preparing what is referred to in the modern day as ‘receipts’. She gathered all the necessary information to prepare a mental and physical file to unleash during their chat later on. It was a refreshing take on modern romance, one that combines technology with legitimate feelings, perhaps inspiring an episode in the new series of Black Mirror given its most recent output. Amy wasn’t going into that argument empty-handed, she brought facts upon facts and just the right amount of simmering rage. Whatever the future holds, it’s important that nobody ever gets on her bad side, least of all a professional Latin and ballroom dancer.
2. An ‘unidentified’ object was spotted in the villa’s unused swimming pool
While the islanders were busy lazing about on the grass all day, eagle-eyed viewers may have spotted a strange object bobbing around in the pool. From afar, it could be perceived as an optical illusion, or the pool surface merely reflecting some of the microphones and cables overhead. But if you look closer, it’s very clear what’s happening here. That is a snorkel, and attached to that snorkel is sandwich man Joe who we lost many weeks ago. He’s still in Mallorca, specifically that godforsaken villa trying to keep an eye on Lucie. She’s sitting beside Silent George and Joe is evidently displeased by this latest turn of events. Credit where it’s due, Joe has not yet and probably never will give up, despite things very clearly being over. Keep it up, champ!
3. Silent George took the most intense shower we’ve ever seen on our television screens
Look at that. Look at THAT. Look at the intensity in Silent George’s eyes. That’s the face of an olympic runner watching the slow-motion replay of the finish line crossing to learn whether he’s won the 200m final or been beaten by his career-long nemesis who stole his car, wife and entire fortune as a result of a heated poker match the night before. Jackie O, after cradling her dying husband, soaked in blood and fighting to keep him alive, later had a washing session that wasn’t half as intense as this shower. Silent George is so intense, so silently intense, he could be practicing mind control in that very moment and we wouldn’t even notice it. He was carved by the Gods purely because he instructed them to do so. I am scared of Silent George. He knows something that the rest of us don’t.
4. The boys double-bagged it to assert dominance over the rest of the villa
Listen, I’ll level with you. Last night’s Love Island was basically comprised of two arguments that have been playing out over the past three days. That’s it, that’s all that happened really. So unfortunately, the fact that three boys sat on two beanbags each as opposed to one, that now constitutes as news and something you may have missed. It’s more of a social commentary than anything else. Does Love Island have to be on every single night? Does enough happen in the villa during a 24-hour period to constitute a daily 46-minute show? Probably not, but that’s entertainment in 2019, baby. Side note, has anyone ever seen their Dad sit in a beanbag chair? Nobody’s Dad has ever sat in a beanbag chair. They just won’t do it. What an observation. What a time to be alive. What an island!
5. Two repugnant reptiles engaged in sexual relations, AND SO DID A COUPLE OF LIZARDS!!!11!!!!!!1!!11!!1!!
Do you get it? Do you get the joke? In all seriousness, there was a noticeable lack of bits during last night’s Love Island because everyone was too busy fighting with each other and getting involved in drama that didn’t concern them. Thankfully, all was not lost because two lizards went to town on each other right as Tommy and Curtis were about to have another deep and meaningless chat about Curtis’ self-inflicted predicament with Amy. It’s unknown whether the lizards are official Love Island contestants just yet, but it’s refreshing to see them going about their respective business out in the open as God intended. Sex is a natural thing, there’s no reason it shouldn’t be done right in plain sight sprawled across the Love Island garden decking for ease of camera access. Go off, lizards.
6. The new Friends reboot looks pretty shit
They’re six people who met each other mere days ago and truly believe that they’re actively engaging in love’s young dream. Thrust together on a reality television show, can they defy the odds and form long-lasting and meaningful relationships together until the end of time? Absolutely not, but it’ll be fun to watch everything blow up as they slowly get to know each other and recognise deep-rooted character flaws that make them all wholly incompatible. For no reason other than banter, let’s cast Friends 2.0 with the Love Island 2019 contestants:
Chandler: Michael before he turned into a prick
Phoebe: Lucie or Maura if she calmed down a bit
Ross: Danny with added personality
Monica: Amy
Rachel: Molly-Mae / Amber
Joey: Anton / Tommy
Gunther: Curtis
Images via ITV
