Day 36
Another week, another six evenings out of seven spent watching the unfolding adventures on that pesky Love Island.
Last night’s show took an unexpected twist when it emerged that people are still using the term ‘lipsing’ in the year of our Lord 2019. More on this as the story develops.
Elsewhere, a game as innocently-named as ‘Snog, marry, pie’ ended in turmoil, Ellie Belly was nowhere to be seen and national treasure Ovie continued to have the time of his life on this completely free all-inclusive holiday trip of a lifetime.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island.
1. A large portion of the islanders had no real sense of which finger an engagement ring is supposed to go on
During last night’s ‘Song, Marry, Pie’ challenge, the islanders had to choose which members of the opposite sex they wanted to do the aforementioned with. There were no real surprises along the way, aside from the fact that Jordan and Molly-Mae appear to have some kind of beef, but it’s probably a very boring beef regarding pilfering each others’ hair spray, or one of the pair mistakenly feeling that Shrek was better than Shrek 2. The most startling part of the challenge came when it emerged that most of these islanders have no idea what finger an engagement ring goes on. Seen above, Amber is putting the ring on Ovie’s PINKY finger. Idiots, morons, fools. Everyone knows it goes on your left foot’s baby toe. Smdh.
2. The pool finally got some action, albeit very briefly and exclusively by some excitable boys
You’re in Mallorca, it is very warm, you’re staying in a lavish villa complete with a lengthy pool. You receive some good news. What do you do? Obviously. you carefully remove your microphone pack thereby eliminating the threat of electrocution, then immerse yourself into the pool, using your arms to create a gentle wave effect. That is what happens when you’re on holidays. That is what the Love Island boys did when they found out they would be moving to a different outdoor TV studio for the evening, still getting one singular drink each. The excitement! The thrill! The Love Island!
3. Maura had a quick taste of her makeup brush because frankly there’s little else to do in that godforsaken villa all day
Listen, it’s a long stint in the Love Island villa. These contestants need to seek excitement and banter wherever they can find it. The boys chose to jump into the pool upon hearing some good news, while the girls relocated to the dressing room for a quick taste of their brushes and various other paraphernalia. It’s hard to fault Maura’s decision to taste the tiny little brush. Some things just look like they’d taste nice. Babies have the right idea, stuffing anything within reach into their chubby little gobs. Imagine how an aeroplane wing tastes? Or the coin tray on a self-service checkout machine? Or a policeman’s hat? Delicious. Nutritious. Divine.
4. One of the club staff looked suspiciously like the supermarket cashier Anton hit on
A lot of speculation went down last night regarding the club girl being the same person as the supermercado girl (thank you Duo Lingo). As the above evidence proves, they are different people. Sure, both have long brown hair, glasses, polo shirts and a desire to be famous of a very small scale in Mallorca, but that is pretty much where the similarities end. It would be the workings of a repugnant genius to plant the same girl behind the bar while Belle was tearing strips out of Anton, but the show has to be careful this year due to reasons. Still, they look very similar and I feel that that was a fair compromise reached when someone suggested having the supermercado girl back again because the producers are savage.
5. Ovie gave a stunningly accurate depiction of how it feels when your friend starts shouting in public
It could be 3am in Maccies or a midday brunch in a fancy hotel, you’re still going to feel the same level of mortification when your friend starts kicking off at the staff because their ice cream machine is allegedly broken. A cold sweat breaks out, you feel your upper lip begin to moisten and your eyes dart around the room to note the nearest emergency exits. You can hear extra staff coming over, management being consulted and other patrons tutting at the spectacle that begins to unfold. In that moment, you’re very aware of your own mortality, perhaps even too aware. Ovie looked like he was ready and willing to die during Belle’s outburst at Anton last night, right in the middle of a very empty and quiet nightclub. At least you didn’t have to watch it twice, Ovie, my dude.
6. The staff could practically smell their gratuity being bumped up with every word Belle added to her shrieks directed at Anton
Where do they find the staff for Love Island outings? Is there a casting process, or are these people legitimately qualified in the hospitality industry? Remember the people who accompanied Tommy and Molly-Mae on their horse ride? Thinking back, they were far too camera-ready to be legitimate. Or the lady who presents the show? I smell a fake. We’re being lied to. Still, the bar staff last night would’ve been rewarded handsomely for being subjected to Belle and Anton’s very public declaration of hatred towards each other. I reckon 30% gratuity should suffice, along with the cost of a little saucer of milk that Joanna needed after witnessing Amber and Michael’s chat.
Images via ITV
