Day 37
Quite an evening took place in the Love Island villa yesterday, credit where it’s due.
The islanders were set with the unthinkable task of choosing between Michael or Joanna to stay and continue their journey into becoming a profitable influencer for the next fiscal year.
Tensions were running high, but ultimately justice prevailed and both Michael and Joanna were sent home on account of being insufferably boring islanders.
Just kidding, Michael got to stay and Joanna had a meltdown, called him a snake. It was delicious television.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s show.
1. The full width of Ovie’s wingspan allowed him to comfort 36% of the group at one time
Have you ever, in all of your life, witnessed one singular man wrapping his arms around 4 (four) people with such ease as Ovie in the above image? He’s still got room to spare if anyone else wants in. That is the true mark of a man – a very wide wingspan. Michael Phelps’ wingspan is wider than his actual height. His wingspan is the same height as Ovie. Ovie has been gifted with very long arms and he is putting them to great use, comforting Curtis, Francesca, Amber and Tommy during difficult times. He also lowkey fancied Joanna but went along with the group majority because he is a mountain of a man both literally and metaphorically. Ovie could solve Brexit if he tried, tenderly hitting the woah as he presented the solution to the government.
2. Anton wore a pair of heels for a while because he felt sad for his mate Michael and we all grieve in different ways
Hard to argue with Anton’s logic here, whereby he’s chucked on a pair of heels and walked around the villa for a little while. His best mate in the villa has just lost his lady and there’s nothing he can do about it. Aside from leaving the villa, thereby proving that he did genuinely like her and it was worth screwing over Amber thereby turning himself into a villain. But other than that, he is truly snookered. Anton’s sympathetic high heel session would have brought some comfort to Michael, seeing his mate going to great lengths to cheer him up. Or maybe they’re just those gross little tiny socks that should never have been invented. Impossible to say, really. The camera never lies.
3. Ellie Belly tried and failed to comfort Michael in his hour of need because she also dislikes him right now
Look at Ellie Belly, reluctantly draped across Michael’s thigh. Her heart isn’t in it, her body language is completely off. She doesn’t care about Michael, frankly she can see that Michael has partially made his bed and should now be forced to lie in it, festering in his own filth until he comes to his goddamn senses. Ellie Belly doesn’t care for rats. Elephants famously hate vermin. She thinks that the way Michael treated Amber was unforgivable. He suspected that Amber would meet someone else in Casa Amor, so got with Joanna for insurance. He wants a slice of that £50k pie, but he’s too stubborn to apologise to Amber. Or at least that’s what Ellie Belly seems to be feeling right now.
4. Someone! Littered! In! The! Love! Island! Villa!
Littering? In this economy? With this climate? Nah, that ain’t it, chief. Someone in the Love Island villa littered during last night’s show and we need to figure out who it was. Based on no real evidence other than a strong hunch, I believe that the following islanders actively litter – Anton, Belle, Chris, Maura, Michael, Anna, Tommy and Ellie Belly. All the Love Island production team need to do is watch back the 24-hour surveillance footage and find the culprit, then chuck them out of the villa. We still don’t really know why Sharif left, but I strongly suspect that it was for littering and / or disrespecting Caroline Flack’s slow walk montage that happens every time she enters the villa. It adds up.
5. Tommy recreated his stomach-churning bread concoction from week two
Remember that time Tommy had to make a starter for Maura Higgins? It was day nine of Love Island 2019 and he put cheese, ketchup and mayonnaise on top of untoasted bread. He absolutely fucked it, but she still fancied him and vowed to “hop on dat” at her nearest convenience. But Tommy stayed loyal to Molly-Mae in the end, leaving Maura with no choice but to fancy a Latin and ballroom dancer with floppy hair. Well, on last night’s show, Tommy recreated that lust-inducing monstrosity. He left it to rest for a while, then later was seen chomping into the hellish breaded meal, proving that he truly doesn’t know how to do anything aside from boxing (presumably) and being a responsible father figure to a stuffed elephant.
6. One of the new girls said she’s looking for someone tall and hilarious…
“I’m looking for someone tall and hilarious”, the new girl said, and only one viable candidate sprung to mind. Mr. Blobby is undeniably hilarious and at a glance, quite tall. Therefore, it is logical to assume that Mr. Blobby will be entering the Love Island villa very shortly. He will remain bright pink throughout his stay, refusing to use suncream or sit in the shade. His eyelashes will turn snow white and his lips will be reduced to a crusty mess. He will don a new bowtie each night for the festivities, then retire to his bed which will be a sun lounger that he pushes into the swimming pool for banter. Blobby deserves love, the new girl deserves love, everyone deserves love. But where can they find it? Love Island, of course.
Images via ITV
