Nice try, Petr.
On Friday, Arsene Wenger placed the p*ss-glased cherry upon Arsenal’s sh*tcake of a week by confirming that Petr Cech, their one constant of reassuring infallibility, would be out of action for around a month.
This, of course, means the divine helmet will miss vital fixtures against Spurs (a), Hull City (a), West Brom (h), Barcelona (a), while his involvement in Everton (a) and Watford (h) is also in doubt.
But bless his leather gloves, Cech did his best to assuage the growing sense of impending doom amongst the Arsenal faithful by talking up his sometimes calamitous replacement, David Ospina.
In a statement that would have had Comical Ali struggling to keep a straight face, the Czech keeper said:
“David is a very experienced goalkeeper. He has played really well…I think everybody at the club, including the staff and the players, has big confidence in him because we can see in training and in his international games that he is a great goalkeeper.
“We have full confidence in him and it won’t be a problem. He has enough experience to play this type of game and he has played this game before so I think he will be fine…He has enough experience to play at this level and I don’t think it will be a problem for him.”
It’s safe to say Gooners don’t quite share Cech’s confidence in the Colombian stopper…
@Arsenal @PetrCech @D_Ospina1 don't lie Pete!!!
— Ghost 𓃵 (@Abdvlhadi11) March 4, 2016
https://twitter.com/theIepermessiah/status/705753583313096704
@Arsenal @PetrCech @D_Ospina1 @caritojimenezzz Ospina starting pic.twitter.com/xBqEiwdmQk
— Alexis (@17_Alexis_7) March 4, 2016
https://twitter.com/ambarron/status/705717080612610049
@Arsenal @PetrCech @D_Ospina1 delete this
— Rob Holding FC (@Robin_Tsr) March 4, 2016
https://twitter.com/Arsemickey/status/705727995659624448
@Arsenal @PetrCech @D_Ospina1 I don't. Captain Calamity.
— Steven Squires (@StevenSquires20) March 4, 2016
@Arsenal @JackWilshere @D_Ospina1 I'm sure David is a great guy, but him being in the team gives me an abnormal heart rhythm
— Dumbass Miliband (@DumbassMiliband) March 4, 2016