As Zlatan Ibrahimovic trains with Manchester United for the first time, his new teammates would perhaps do well to give the big Swede as wide a berth as possible during their pre-season preparations.
Not because his famed skills would embarrass them in any way, or even due to the world’s gaze being on the new signing’s every move. Rather it’s for their own well-being. You see, Zlatan is hazardous.
The big man is here – it's #ZlatanTime! https://t.co/GSUyEiJFuQ
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) July 28, 2016
If you assumed that the 6ft 5in black belt in taekwondo restricted his violent outbursts to bullying the opposition, you’d be very much mistaken. He likes to keep things…’competitive’ in training too.
Think of it as the 34-year-old exerting his alpha-male credentials on the best of the group. Like a silverback gorilla confronting other would-be band leaders, Zlatan wastes no time in making his mark.
At Milan, Antonio Cassano was another larger than life character known for his rebellious ways. This is Ibrahimovic partaking in playful banter…by kicking him in the head.
If that was Zlatan merely having a laugh (in a very malevolent way), one fellow Rossoneri player that he really didn’t take to was American defender Oguchi Onyewu. They clashed in a practice match, as the Swede explains:
“I headbutted him, and we flew at each other. We wanted to tear each other limb from limb. It was brutal. We were rolling around, punching and kneeing each other. We were crazy and furious — it was like life and death.Â
“Afterwards, the weirdest thing happened. Onyewu started praying to God with tears in his eyes, making the sign of the cross. This felt like a provocation, and I got more furious.Â
“I was stopped by my team-mates, and I suppose that was a good thing. It could have turned out nasty.”
Yes, it’s a good thing it didn’t turn nasty. Then there was the incident with national teammate and friend (?!) Christian Wilhelmsson, who decided to give some back – a bad idea that resulted in a sore arse.
Such clashes are nothing new, as the Man United man recounts an altercation with fellow troublemaker Mido in his early days at Ajax:
“My friend Mido declared publicly that he wanted to be transferred. He wasn’t exactly a diplomat; he was worse than me. After one match, he came into the locker room and called us all miserable c***s.
“I responded by saying if anybody was a c*** it was him. Mido picked up a pair of scissors and flung them at me. It was completely nuts…I went over and gave him a smack, but 10 minutes later we left with our arms around each other.”
Nice happy ending there. If United fans were hoping that their new talisman would help nurture the precocious talents of Marcus Rashford, Anthony Martial and Jesse Lingard, they may have another thing coming.
Here’s Zlats inexplicably kicking young teammate Rodney Strasser between the shoulder blades during a break in training, apparently because he was bored and just felt like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpUjUMNpF-c
Oh and here he is casually hitting junior teammate Lucas Moura with a stick (as you do) during the Brazilian player’s conditioning exercises at Paris Saint-Germain, because…why the hell not?
Still, it’s not all kicks, whacks and punches, sometimes he just likes to take the piss out of the medical staff…
Many of Ibrahimovic’s new teammates will look forward to each and every matchday, because at least then his sights will be trained on the opposition players rather than them.
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